Swinger Terms & What They All Mean

Don’t Be Left In The Dark

Have you ever read something or been at a party when someone uses a term you have no idea what it means, not only can this be embarrassing but it can make you look like a vanilla novice so let’s get you caught up on the most used terms

An A-Z of the most used Terms

In any dynamic of the Alternative Lifestyle (BDSM, Swinging, Kink and more there are always specific terms used and it is important if you are going to be a real legit lifestyler to know what they all mean, especially if you are on a Lifestyle website trying to find play friends you will notice many will use a lot of abbreviations.

The One thing we do always recommend SINCE THE LIFESTYLE IS CONSENT BASED, is that if you do not understand something, don’t be shy to ask, it’s always better to be safe than sorry than put yourself of the other people in a bad situation through lack of bad communication.

It is hard to cover all of the terms out there so we are starting with what we believe to be the most used to get all your basics covered. Please understand some people will use these terms in slightly different ways or have slightly different understandings which is why we suggest to always check.

A

Refers to a woman having vaginal, anal and oral sex simultaneously. Basically covering all “holes” for want of a better term. This is popular in gangbangs.

This doesn’t refer to the band, but to Alternating Current/Direct Current-in other words, can go both ways. Refers to a bisexual swinger who doesn’t mind being with men or women.

Someone who is into all aspects of swinging scenes. Some Examples of Cultures in Europe English/French/Greek/Roman/Swedish Culture for example

English: Being spanked or caned.
French: Oral sex
Greek: Anal sex
Roman: Group sex/orgies
Swedish: Deep massage – an All Cultures person is into each of these.

B

Having sexual intercourse without a condom. A fairly unusual practice within the lifestyle (Although a dangerous one that we don’t recommend! Wrap Up, Nothing is worth a life disease)

A person who enjoys sex with the opposite gender and is, at least, willing to participate in some sexual activity with others of their own gender, however be aware most people who are bi-comfortable will only be happy to play in certain scenarios they may not identify as Bi outside of those play times.

A person who is willing to let others of the same sex perform on them, though they are not willing to reciprocate. Most often, this is woman who enjoys the oral skills of another woman, but is not eager to lick pussy herself. Sometimes referred to as “Bi-Passive.”

A person who is willing to engage with others of the same sex, but generally does not find personal pleasure in it. This often will occur in double virginal penetration for example, the guys will not consider themselves Bi just sharing the same space to get the job done!

A male (who is often dominant) who has sex with other men’s wives, generally with the consent of the husband, who may or may not be present for the encounter. Bulls are often integral parts of hotwife and cuckold play, though they may be invited by a couple to participate in a simple MFM threesome.

Bondage, Discipline and Sado-Masochism – A general term which refers a wide variety of “kinky” practices, generally including restraints, dominance and submission, and pain play. However, not all BDSM involves pain or domination – please note while the two dynamics may merge some there is a vast difference between BDSM and Swinging!

A person who may be interested in exploring sex with people of the same gender. Most women in the lifestyle identify themselves as bi-curious, though there is a wide latitude in what they mean by that. Many, in fact, would be better described as “bi-tolerant“, “bi-comfortable” or “bi-receptive.”

Enjoyment of intimacy and touch with a member of the same sex without the desire for penetration or oral intercourse. Sensation play and kissing are examples of activity that is desired.

A person who enjoys sex with members of the same sex. More often than not a true Bi-Sexual is as happy dating a man or a woman or someone who identifies as “they”. Bisexuals’ don’t really have a specific gender preference it is more about what attracts them in the moment.

These are often worn by swingers especially married ones to show that they are part of the Lifestyle but also married. Many couples will wear them on their right “wedding finger” as their left will remain for their regular wedding bands. Single or open relationship people will wear them on the wedding finger on the left hand. (Don’t assume though, some people just like them for fashion too!)

A fetish in which restraints such as ropes, chains, cloth, belts or leather straps are used to bind, tie or hold a participating sexual partner. Often Shibari or other exotic rope practices are used.

C

You’ll mostly find this on the profiles of some people who don’t live in major metropolitan areas. Quite simply, it just means that they’re open to meeting people outside of their immediate area and don’t mind traveling to go see them. Many are willing to Travel a long way for the right couple or situations or possible Lifestyle Partner. Wealthy Business People will often engage in the lifestyle too.

Closed Door refers to swinging that happens in different rooms from partners-if you and your partner go to a swinger’s meet-up, you won’t be swinging in the same room. Open Door refers to a place you can swing in the same room as your partner. It is always important to clarify what is good for you both if you are a couple as these situations can cause issues if the couple is not entirely comfortable or confident with each other

One of the most important terms of all! A very clear, specific affirmation and agreement to a sexual advance or activity. Most often, this requires a spoken request to touch, touch further, or generally initiate any sexual or intimate activity, followed by a verbal “yes.” Consent is NEVER “implied” in the lifestyle. Far too many people assume the lifestyle is a free grabbing game and it IS NOT! Always Ask!

Clean refers to someone who is free of drugs and diseases. Safe refers to a person who cannot conceive or sire a child (a woman after having her tubes tied, a man after a vasectomy). In this day and age it is often worth asking when people last got tested. Don’t worry about their health worry about YOURS!

Compersion is the coveted secret of emotions because it promises to turn the pain of jealousy into an ecstatic calm, or ecstatic release. Some polyamorous people experience compersion, which means feeling joy that one’s partner is sharing closeness with another person. Often swingers will not only enjoy but get wildly turned on watching their partner gain pleasure from another.

This swinger term technically refers to a man whose wife has sex with other men. In most scenarios, he is present, and is often degraded or humiliated by his wife in the process. He may even be bound, or at least limited in some way (no masturbation, for instance) during the session.

D

Usually found in swingers profiles, this is an abbreviation for “Drug and Disease Free”, meaning that the individual is clean and not a drug user or carrying any kind of STD’s. For Safety if you are going to engage with members off a site we always recommend getting proof of recent tests.

The act of being penetrated by two things at once. Generally refers to two dicks penetrating one woman, though in some cases dildos may be substituted for penises. Most typically, DP refers simultaneous vaginal and anal intercourse. However, DVP (Double Vaginal Penetration) and DAP (Double Anal Penetration) are also possibilities if neither guy is intimidated and on the same stamina game!

Evidencing a desire for control, assertive, generally “in charge” within a relationship, in contrast to a more submissive partner. This power dynamic may be fluid and of little importance in some couples, or it may create a more overarching context for an entire relationship. While dominance and submission are important components within the BDSM world, they often play some part in most couples’ relationship and should not be ignored within the lifestyle.

E

This can mean different things to different people, to entertain or host usually means people are willing to use their location for sexually orientated parties. In other occasions it will mean the “host” intends to put on a public display of sex and may wish to have an audience to watch them and their “performance” they may have planned.

The act of exposing oneself to others, particularly the parts that are generally not exposed! In the lifestyle, exhibitionism extends to the enjoyment of having others watch your sexual activity. Many find it a huge turn on to be watched while “performing” and this can often reach out to public places and risky venues as the thought of getting caught is a huge turn on.

F

A sexual threesome that includes two females and a male. In some cases, this acronym indicates that the women will not play with one another (as opposed to an FFM), but that use is not universal, some are ok with playing with the same man but don’t like the bi scenario others will roll with how it flows so CHECK!

Friends With Benefits – This term is not only used in the lifestyle, of course, but, generally speaking, it has a slightly different application for swingers or people in general depending on circumstance. FWB can mean a long term friendship, with respect , loving and caring but no commitment as a relationship, where for others it can literally mean “fuck buddy” clarify what they are looking for and what FWB means to them. For swingers, a FWB is not only a sexual partner, but also a friend usually. Sometimes referred to as “Pants-off, Pants-on” friends, these are people with whom a social relationship, apart from sexual activity, has been developed.

A sexual threesome that includes two females and a male. In some cases, this acronym indicates that the women will play with one another as well as with the man (as opposed to an FMF), but that use is not universal. Again people often get these mixed up so always check what everyone is good with before starting.

A sexual encounter with (at least) two couples where individuals participate in penetrative vaginal intercourse with someone other than their partner. Compare with Soft Swap. This can be same room or separate room really depends on the couples preferences.

G

Group sex with one member of one sex, and multiple members of the other. Most often, a gang bang involves one woman with multiple men on a pre arranged basis. The women will often choose their men and have another woman present as a “fluffer” (someone who will entertain and keep the men hard while waiting on their turn)

This often refers to women who love being mouth slammed with huge cocks until they “gag” the sounds can turn a man on a lot, some women have a skill set of not having gag reflexes so they are able to take men much deeper into their throat. This can often be associated with “facials” where a man will finidh in the womans face.

H

Permission for a partner to have sex with another, without the presence of his/her partner. Often this will happen in Open-Marriages where couples will go out on dates with permission and other times it will literally be a “sex pass” as in go get the job done and come home with no romance or small talk more than necessary.

This is commonly used to describe a person or people that are complete pleasure seekers with a focus on constant sexual pleasure being their priority above all else. They may continuously go to certain clubs, resorts or cruises and make a lifestyle out of the pursuit of sexual encounters. Hedonism in Jamaica is a resort that is very popular with swinger events and there are many other “sex specific” vacations and clubs that cater to the hedonistic players

A larger lifestyle event held in a commercial hotel when all of the rooms and facilities have been rented by the event planners. Takeovers are often two-night events, allowing the participants to use all areas of the hotel without the concern of disturbing other guests. Of course, there are usually rules regarding nudity and/or sexual activities in the visible, public areas of the facility.

Most hotel takeovers offer public hospitality suites, play rooms and specialized areas play, such as dungeons, Sybian rooms, etc

A married woman who has sex with other men. Sometimes her husband is present. Or in some cases, she goes out on dates, returning to tell him about her adventures. “Hotwifing”, strictly speaking, is different than cuckolding in that the wife does not degrade or humiliate her husband. In fact, in some hot wife scenarios. the husband participates, in MFM threesomes or gang bangs with his wife.

A lifestyle event held in a private home. Usually, these are smaller events attended by those known or selected by the hosts. Depending on the hosts most will ask for a “donation” fee to cover costs of supplies and clean up. Some House Parties are more friend orientated only and will not charge. It’s important to respect a hosts home at all times and don’t leave dirty condoms and stuff laying around that’s just gross!

K – L – M

Sexual preferences that fall outside of those things that are generally considered common and ordinary. This is a relative term, since one person’s “normal” may be “kinky” or “extreme” to someone else. Often Fetishes will fall into this roll and fetishes can cover a lot from sucking toes to wanting milk from pregnant ladies.

Lifestyle – Sometimes abbreviated as LS, this term refers to all aspects of consensual non-monogamy. Some swingers prefer to the term over “swinging,” but the two are generally interchangeable. Alternative Lifestyle is vastly wider in definition and includes pretty much all kinks and fetishes and all communities such as LGBTQIA+ it is a term used to really define sexually liberated people along with people who wish to live life without common expectancies or labels.

MFM – A sexual threesome that includes two males and a female. In some cases, this acronym indicates that the men will not play with one another (as opposed to an MMF), but that use is not universal. WIth a MMF it usually suggests men are a little more open to Bi Play or pansexual activity

O

On Premise – A lifestyle club that has playrooms or some other accommodation which allows for sex on site

Off Premise – A swinger’s club or venue that does not allow sexual activities on the site

On Premise – A lifestyle club that has playrooms or some other accommodation which allows for sex on site

Off Premise – A swinger’s club or venue that does not allow sexual activities on the site

An agreement between a couple which allows them to play separately from one another. Often these couples are not poly in the sense they do not necessarily want long term committed love connections but more so have the opportunity to date separately. It really depends on the couples terms and dynamics so its always important to check. Also CHEATS use this term so beware, make sure they actually have a consensual agreement with their partner.

P – R

Two (or more) couples, having sex with their own partners, in the same room. No swapping is involved. This can often just be a huge turn on for couples playing in the same area, hearing the noises and watching from a distance.

A room or area designated for sexual activity at swingers clubs, resorts, hotel takeovers, house parties and other lifestyle venues. Even house parties might designate a specific area for play only.

A woman who enjoys receiving sexual pleasure more than she enjoys giving it. Frankly, the term should be able to be applied to men, as well as women!

Is this really a thing? YES apparently it is more common in the South like Florida for instance where swingers will use this in their shipping carts or have one outside their front door to show they are into playing in the LS it can be a lot of fun in the retirement communities apparently

 

The practice of maintaining multiple-partner relationships. Far beyond “open-relationships’ or simply sexual relationships, those involved in a polyamory establish deep, intimate, emotional and (usually) sexual relationships with more than one partner. All partners know about one another and will often socialize together. In some cases, they may even live in the same household. While swingers may be polyamorous (or vice versa) the terms are definitely not interchangeable

Sex with your partner after a lifestyle encounter with others. Sometimes it occurs immediately after you are out of the presence of the others. Sometimes it is delayed until the next day or so. It is always important to discuss and reconnect sexually and emotionally to keep a healthy relationship alive. This is sometimes referred to as reclamation sex, in that you are “reclaiming” your partner as your own. However, since this term might be understood as ownership, in some sense, of your partner, most swingers prefer the term “reconnection sex

S

A term which most specifically applies to BDSM situations, but also has some use within the lifestyle community. It is a word, chosen before play begins and clearly communicated to all participants, which means to stop immediately.

Sensual bondage involves not only restraining a person’s movements during sexual activity, but also providing them with pleasurable sensations through bondage. This can be achieved by using different materials, such as rope, silk, fabric, chains, etc., as well as by strategically placing knots and chains to enhance pleasure or sensations.

“Under the right circumstances” – An individual or couple will use this word to indicate some activity they might do, in a given situation, but are not willing to commit to do doing it in all situations. Probably an unnecessary swinger term, since all play is inherently situational.

The opposite of dominant. A submissive partner yields control within the relationship (or at least parts of the relationship) to his/her dominant partner

One of the more common rules of play established by many couples. It means that all sexual activity will happen in the presence of their partner. The two of them will be together at all times. The opposite of separate play or separate rooms.

Sexual activity that happens without the presence of the partner. This is not the same as an open relationship, in which sex can happen individually and at any time. Separate room play implies that both partners are engaged in sex with another couple, but not in the same room.

Some people confuse this with cuckold but they are entirely different. Where a cuckold will usually not get involved in the sex (maybe watch) and like the humiliation, The Stag on the reverse likes to watch men have sex with their lady, as well as just watching he might join in with his partner and another man rather than being excluded.

A relatively vague term that is easier defined by what it is NOT, rather than what it IS. Soft Swap indicates that the couple does not have intercourse with anyone other than their partners. In other words. they are not a full swap couple.

Consensual non-monogamy. Having sex with people, other than your partner, in the presence of, or with the permission of your partner. This doesn’t necessarily imply full sexual intercourse. Swingers may engage in any number of sexual activities outside of their relationship. Part of it is the sex and part of it is hanging with sexually liberated minded people and there is a huge variance of what people will and wont do so discuss in detail with each person/couple. Don’t ever assume because you played once they are hands on forever that’s one of the biggest mistakes made in the LS. SWINGERS tend to just want to play with no emotional connections (unlike Poly) they may have long term friends they swing with but they don’t want the “love” connection that comes with a standard relationship/partnership. Many will purely see it as “sex only” – no commitment etc.

T – U – V

Having sex with someone that you don’t find particularly attractive, simply because your partner is eager to play with that person’s significant other. I personally highly recommend AGAIST this. The idea of swinging is for all to feel pleasure and if you are grossed out to please your partner you will build resentment, remember it is about QUALITY not QUANITY (or it should be)

A mythical creature, often discussed, rarely seen and highly desired. Or more specifically, the swinger term refers to an unattached female, willing to play. Some Unicorns are proud for this name others hate being called or a unicorn or especially being “unicorn hunted”. Most people in the LS want the typical Male & 2 female scenarios so these ladies are in demand! If you find one don’t abuse her she has many options. Couples tend to treat the third lady like a throw away toy! They are human not mythical!

Someone who lives swinging as a total lifestyle, rather than a form of sexual activity. This person will be someone who is very enthusiastic about swinging and considers it the pinnacle of lifestyles. They will be open and shame free about who they are or how they live and go by the theory that it’s no one else’s business who they fuck or how many of them!

Non-lifestyle. Can refer to people, events or activities. Usually this will refer to Monogamous people or typically can be given to “Newbies” someone who is very fresh to the lifestyle and still Naïve. Like any “term” this can be offensive to some and others will take it with a pinch of salt. You may hear the term Vanilla Swirl which can mean slowly getting into the LS or it can also mean mixed races playing, again many of these terms can be jingled around for people to mean them what they want.

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