IMPORTANT TOPICS TO DISCUSS WITH YOUR PARTNER BEFORE TAKING YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO THE NEXT LEVEL.
Is your relationship heading to the next level? Or, maybe things have just been a bit underwhelming between the sheets?
Honesty and openness are the most essential in any relationship
It is so important to open the lines of communication between you and your partner so you don’t end up 1. getting bored, 2. Having fantasies and desires not met and going off else where to have them eventually fulfilled
Talk Fantasies, Fetishes, and Desires
These words “Fantasies” and “Desires” and “Fetishes” might sound a little overwhelming or intense. However it is important for Couples to definitely discuss fantasies and fetishes. I mean why be ashamed, it may be you are your partner share the same fantasy but if you are both to scared to explore then you limit each other from pleasure not just yourself. When you’re in the bed it may be too surprising to spring your furry fetish on your partner at that moment. Things like oils and lotions and potions are pretty standard. Those don’t really require discussion. But if you are a bondage queen or secret dominatrix, give your partner a heads up and this can be done before hitting the sheets for example over a romantic meal simply ask your partner “if I share one of my fantasies will you share one of yours”? Don’t be afraid, I mean if you can swap body fluids then why be afraid of swapping words and thoughts on your mind.
It’s not uncommon for many men and women to feel embarrassed when the topic of pleasure toys comes up but they can be the cure for a sex life that’s gone stale. Especially in long-term relationships, sex can begin to feel routine and boring and humdrum but with a few simple lotions to furry handcuffs, fun accessories help turn the heat up.”
Never underestimate your lover’s bedroom interests. When people say ‘sex,’ they often think of vaginal intercourse, but Anal and oral sex also count. Are you game for all three or maybe more in the sense of adding an extra live partner to the bedroom? Is your partner male but perhaps wanting to use toys but scared you will judge him because he might like the anal beads as much as you do? Discussing what’s on the table when it comes to sex helps clarify boundaries but opens so many new worlds with the more you can be honest and open minded about it.
Discuss Your Sexual History and What You Want In The Future
No one ever wants to ask the awkward questions BUT it’s YOUR BODY< YOUR HEALTH – You need to know a person’s sexual history upfront – diseases, genders of partners, and testing history etc. If someone has not cleared STD testing within the past six months then their results are not current and you have to remember the simple math, if Jenny slept with two people this week and so did Jack and those two people slept with two other people and those other people also slept with two people ….. I mean no one likes to say well I have been single a while and I have sewed my seeds with about 30 people last six months because I had to get rid of some frustrations!
Don’t leave it up to your partner to look out for your best interests that job is yours and yours alone. Be proactive, always. Your sexual health is your responsibility!
Why not do it together if you have just started dating? Experience can be more beneficial than you might expect and when you two go and get tested together it can be an awkwardly fun adventure. It’s certainly one that ends with you both feeling great about having a clean slate and putting your health first – essentially a win-win situation and it will not only bond you closer but show that you are both responsible, open minded and ready for extra fun.
Don’t forget the birth control aspects either! All too many people have excuses for that “it was only one time” don’t risk it if you are not legitimately wanting kids!
Make Sure You’re Exclusive if That Is What You Want, Or Make Sure You Are Clear If You want an Open Relationship or additional “Friends” to the party!
Could your lover have another? Like it or not, not everyone’s definition of a committed relationship is the same. Never assume exclusivity in a sexual relationship. Ask your partner if they’re dating or married to someone else. Having straight-forward conversations about whether or not you’re sexually exclusive reduces confusion. So many people enter into relationships for months unknowingly that the other person has someone else on the side, whether they are cheating or just “not mentioning it because you did not ask” ASK! Check and clarify everything on those first dates. How do you feel about our dating are you under the impression we are now exclusive”. “How long have you been single – just making sure you are single” (and insert a giggle to keep the mood light). Ask if they have or are seeing other people or how they feel about that situation if you would prefer to be open and not tied down to exclusive situations. Ask, Ask, Ask, never assume anything in new or long term relationships, it is all about open and honest communication all the way.
Discuss times when you both get more horny
For Instance, They like it in the mornings, but you are more of a night owl. You’re comfortable having sex three times a week, but your partner’s more like a three-times-a-month person. Knowing and sharing your sex “schedules” is the key to a successful and rewarding sex life you’ll both be proud of. Your sexual calendars can be different. You can be on different sexual frequencies. This is good to know because a nighttime person can take a morning sex rejection personally, but he needs to know that at night you turn into a vixen. Or that you love it when he comes home from work and slams you against a wall and tears your knickers down or when she rubs your back and works her way to the front it sparks your energy and bulges your jeans .. the more info you can give your partner to the times you like sex and the ways you like it the better.
Also make sure you try different approaches, don’t be boring and do the same old position or the same old moves because they get stagnant quickly, If he likes a little lingerie or is spending too much time playing video games or on the pool table insert yourself into that space in a sexy way and see his reaction. If she usually likes a little spank on the bum while you are thrusting then maybe see if she likes to be blindfolded and tied to the bed.
Be Open About Your Sexual Secrets
In order to have healthy sexual expression in the bedroom, it’s a good idea that partners are honest about what has happened to them. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
But how do you approach such a touchy subject, you’re wondering? “It’s best for partners to initiate this conversation one-on-one in private, out of the bedroom, in a safe space. You can begin by letting your partner know that you have something serious to discuss with them and that you feel uncomfortable about the conversation but want to be honest. Acknowledging the discomfort is always helpful in any serious conversation. But don’t ever be ashamed of who you are or what happened to you especially if it was some form of abuse or sexual violence. It was not your fault, you did not ask for it and remind your new partner you certainly won’t tolerate anything that may trigger you. Be very aware of the triggers that set you off and make sure they are known to your partner. Again, honesty is key and sadly men watch graphic porn and sometimes thing that can happen in a regular bedroom scene they need to be reminded their are limits to what you do and don’t like.
Do your best to push past the awkwardness and get through your story. The conversation will bring you closer.
End result is if you can’t be honest with your partner and insist they be honest and intimate with you then it’s probably best that you don’t continue to have sex with that unmatched person. Your partner should make you feel safe and secure to explore, be you and be honest and true and if he or she can’t make you feel that way time to start looking again.
Please share with us your thoughts and comments and experiences of dating and expressing your fantasies or desires ..