Alphabet of BDSM Terms

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BDSM TERMS

Here is an A-Z guide of BDSM Terms to get you up to speed of the Bondage, Dominance and Sadist World. BDSM is becoming more and more popular as it is now accepted as a sexual experience not only for deviants as it was once believed.

Read through our Terms us leave us your questions for discussion. We encourage all to LIFE LIFE THEIR WAY without shame!

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A type of bondage furniture with an upright triangle piece where a Submissive can be bound for flagellation. It is thought that an A-frame is more comfortable and supportive than an X-frame (St. Andrew’s Cross)

Sensation play involving stroking the skin of a Submissive with sandpaper, emery boards, a wire brush, or any other material that brings about a scraping sensation. This can be done gently, simply to cause a mild sensation, or intensely to cause an abrasion wound

Any activity that crosses a participant’s hard limit, or any activity that is NOT consensual. A non-consensual act or an intentional assault, either physically or emotionally, usually violent in nature. Treating someone in such a way as to cause them damage or harm. When safe words are ignored. There are those who have used BDSM to mask domestic abuse. Sadly, many times the abuse goes unreported due to the victim’s fear of having his/her BDSM interest, activities, or lifestyle exposed. Even sadder, there are those who have maliciously set out to prey on such fears. Kink friendly support groups for those who have been victimized by abuse are increasing in numbers.

The time period after an intense BDSM scene or activity in which the Dominant provides a safe mental and physical space for the Submissive to unwind; a time of recovery. Considered to be the time when a Dominant tends to the Sub missive’s psychological needs in regards to the recent BDSM scene/experience.

a temporary feeling of melancholy in a Submissive, which can occasionally occur in some people immediately after a BDSM scene or activity. Some scenes can be intense, both physically and emotionally, and sometimes the sudden reduction of endorphins in the brain can cause feelings of depression. For some, guilt about how they exposed their own emotions during the scene can be overwhelming, especially if the scene took place in front of others or a crowd. Also, for some people, the long anticipation prior to a scene, followed by the sudden end to the experience, can leave the Submissive with feelings of disappointment that the anticipation has ended. Whatever the cause of the feelings of bottom drop, it is one of the reasons why attentive aftercare is so important.

Any form of role-play in which a Submissive assumes the role of a child or has childlike qualities. Age play is a broad term that encompasses many forms of play and flavors, from infantilism to teen play. It refers to the sexual gratification one gets either from having the power and responsibility that a parent has, or from the powerlessness and the feeling of being cared for that a child has. It is not considered to be the same as pedophilia. Daddy/Babygirl relationships, Mommy/Babyboy relationships, and relationships that involve much older partners all fall under the Age Play umbrella, however, not all such relationships are considered Age Play. Many people play that Daddy/Mommy titles are in title only, simply because their role mirrors the characteristics of a stern but loving and nurturing parent, yet has no relation to role-playing as an actual parent to the role-play child. Age Play is usually reserved for those who actually role-play as a parent or child.

A term for inserting toes or the first part of a foot into someone’s vagina or ass. A practice loosely tied to foot fetish or footing. Very similar to fisting, but with the foot.

the act of turning pain into sexual pleasure; a synonym for sadomasochism. A sexual tendency defined by deriving sexual pleasure and stimulation from physical pain, often involving genitalia

A common type of nipple clamp with tips that have teeth resembling an alligator’s mouth. Most alligator clamps come with removable rubber tips

a structured hierarchy among Submissives in a BDSM house or family, or in any relationship involving more than one Submissive. The Alpha Sub is similar to the role of “First Wife” in some cultures, in which the Alpha Sub is the Submissive with the greatest power. Sometimes the Alpha Sub takes on a dominant role towards other Submissives while maintaining the role of Submissive to the Dominant or Master. Many believe that even though the role of Alpha Sub is at a higher stature than the Beta Sub, both roles are equally vital to the family structure. Not all relationships that involve more than one Submissive include the role of an Alpha Sub

A term used by all kink, fetish, swinger and other communities to represent open minded, sexually liberated lifestyle choices

a sex toy consisting of multiple balls attached together in a series, inserted in the rectum and then removed either slowly or quickly during orgasm to enhance climax

a metal hook with a small loop on one end and usually a smooth ball shape at the other end, for insertion into a Submissive’s anus. With rope tied to the loop, it can be tied in ways that force the Submissive into easy positions for flagellation or intercourse. Sometimes the same hook can be inserted into the vagina in the same way for the same purposes.

any practice in which one inflicts pain on the anus of another

preparation of the anus for ass play or anal sex, usually by dilating the anus with dildos or butt plugs. Sometimes the term is used as a blanket term for any play or sexual act involving the anus.

an activity involving oral sex with another person’s anus

Role-play in which one takes on the role of an animal to be trained. Often addresses a person’s sexual desire to be treated as less than human. Pony play, puppy play, and swine play are popular forms of animalism.

Any sort of cuffs that are specially designed for use on a person’s ankles.

A restraint that has a long sleeve in which both arms are bound with straps and buckles and/or with laces. Also referred to as a single-glove or monoglove.

An herbal medicine – in pill or ointment form and made from the arnica flower/plant – that reduces bruising and helps with sore muscles.

BDSM activities that involve the use of aromatherapy to induce relaxation. Also refers to play using vapors or smells to create certain moods to intensify a play scene

BDSM activities, such as spanking or flogging, that do not lead to any sexual activity or any sensual touching. This is a controversial notion, as many believe that all BDSM activities are sexual in nature

An acronym for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response which is a physical response to sounds and/or visuals. It is described as a positive tingling feeling that comes over a person, usually the back of the neck or down one’s spine, a feeling that the hairs on one’s arms or the back of their neck are standing on end, as a direct triggered response to audio or visual cues. For example, the sound of rubbing cloth repeatedly while whispering can bring about a tingle feeling in some individuals.

Any form of sexual play with a participant’s anus, including sodomy, anilingus, enemas, dildos and/or butt plugs.

Bondage in which a person is bound so that one of their legs or arms is different than the other, lacking symmetry. For example, one arm is tied to the person’s leg while the other arm is tied to his/her back

asphyxia that results from intentionally strangling oneself, often with a rope or belt, while masturbating, in an attempt to heighten sexual pleasure by limiting the oxygen supply to the brain. Considered to be very dangerous.

 

B

A less common title for a male Submissive. The male version of a Babygirl

A title for a submissive female. A Babygirl is usually the Submissive of a Dominant who takes on the role/title of Daddy. Sometimes the title Babygirl is used in age play.

A person who engages in inflicting pain on a male’s testicles

A gag with a ball that is placed in the mouth and held securely by a strap. There are many different sized balls, usually made of rubber.

A type of hood containing bladders designed to inflate, causing pressure on the wearer’s face. Often used as a form of sensory deprivation, rendering a person unable to see or hear.

a specific form of bondage in which a person is bound into a ball, with knees pressed to the chest. A complete ball tie would also include ankles bound to thighs, with hands bound behind the back or to the ankles. This form of bondage should not be used for extended periods, and a Submissive in this tie should be checked often for signs of numbness or distress.

A pair of very high-heeled boots, designed so that the wearer must stand on the ends of her/his toes rather than the soles of her/his feet, usually with a locking strap. It requires a considerable amount of training to walk in these boots without assistance

medical scissors specifically designed to cut bandages, fabric or rope off a person. The bottom blade of the scissor is shaped in such a way as to help prevent cutting or gouging the skin. EMT Scissors are particularly handy when trying to free someone from bondage involving rope, cloth, vinyl, or tape in the event of an emergency.

The act of intentionally having unprotected sexual intercourse without the use of a condom.

play involving inflicting pain on the soles of the feet. Some times a Dominant will strike a Submissives feet before ending a session, causing the Submissive to limp away in pain. A technique designed so that pain from the play continues after the session has ended.

an acronym meaning Big Black Cock. A porn site term that has been increasingly used in BDSM Race Play. Most often the term is used in Cuckoldry role-play, as it is believed that Black men tend to be more well endowed than men of other races. However, science has proven that this is mostly myth, one that can be traced back to a turn of the century racist propaganda campaign meant to depict black men as more animal-like, prehistoric, than that of caucasian men. African-American men are not more well endowed as a whole statistically. There are many porn producers, porn consumers and well endowed black men that are more than willing to perpetuate the myth. Though many forms of Race Play are frowned apon today, the myth that black men are more well endowed is growing instead of subsiding. Mostly because of the BBC category in porn and an increasing fetish for such Race Play. Though there are many black men that are well endowed, most black men do not live up to the myth. The term is also used in fetishistic ways as a non-Black male Cuckold receives sexual gratification from his female partner having sex with well endowed Black males.

an acronym meaning Big Beautiful Women. Refers to a female who is larger in weight and/or height. The fetish of men who love larger women. It is also use erroneously to mean Big Black Women.

An intertwined composite acronym for B&D (bondage & discipline); D&S (dominance & submission); and S&M (sadism and masochism). The acronym BDSM has become the broad term that blankets all D/s activities, forms of kink, sexual power exchanges, interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures. Another more common term that covers the spectrum of BDSM is the acronym S&M, meaning sadomasochism (sadism and masochism).

Any activity that crosses a participant’s hard limit, or any activity that is NOT consensual. A non-consensual act or an intentional assault, either physically or emotionally, usually violent in nature. Treating someone in such a way as to cause them damage or harm. When safe words are ignored. There are those who have used BDSM to mask domestic abuse. Sadly, many times the abuse goes unreported due to the victim’s fear of having his/her BDSM interest, activities, or lifestyle exposed. Even sadder, there are those who have maliciously set out to prey on such fears. Kink friendly support groups for those who have been victimized by abuse are increasing in numbers.

All who are involved with BDSM. There are many different social circles, groups, families, houses, factions, and individuals with BDSM interests all over the world. The BDSM community or “scene” is all of these groups of people combined to make up a subculture. It should be noted that the community has become rather large. Though the Internet helps keep such social circles in touch with each other, the BDSM community as a whole is still too vast to make blanket statements for everyone involved. That is why it is always good to remember that what is good for some people is not always good for everyone who is involved with BDSM, and there is always more for us to learn about one another.

a design based on a triskelion shape. The triskelion shape has been used in many cultures throughout history with various meanings. The BDSM emblem used today has a basic triskelion shape of three spokes curving out from the center with an encompassing circle. The spokes are gold, silver, or copper to represent metal, and they travel outward so that the design appears to move counterclockwise. The circle is the same width as the spokes. The inner fields, which make up a yin-yang-type shape, are black. There are three holes on these fields, punching the design. Critics will argue that all these conditions must be met before it can be recognized as the true symbol of BDSM. However, variations of the triskelion symbol are increasingly being used to represent BDSM. This is likely because of practical graphics concerns, rather than ignorance of the true specs of the symbol. When dots are put in place of the holes, or the middle or outside edge is made a different color, it can resemble a symbol already used by other groups. For example, dots in place of holes makes a symbol used by an ancient martial arts family in Japan. It should be noted that the symbol is increasingly being used in slightly different variations to represent BDSM, so you could say that certain variations of the symbol are now serving dual purposes with two meanings. If you see the symbol with dots rather than holes, accompanied by a naked woman being fondled and flogged, most likely the symbol does not represent an ancient martial arts family.

The customary code of behavior while engaging in BDSM activities, or the social code in BDSM communities. The requirements of mutual consent and agreements as to the limits of any BDSM activity. For example, in many circles it is considered rude to approach or distract a person while they are engaged in play. This would be a breach of BDSM etiquette.

Most often referred to as a “house,” a group of individuals who have agreed to be partners with one another, sometimes exclusively, in the context of BDSM play. Often, a BDSM family will take on a family-like hierarchical structure, usually consisting of a master with multiple slaves. Sometimes the family structure is a marriage, or takes on marriage-like qualities.

refers to a name, or a prefix to a name, of a BDSM family, usually consisting of one Dominant and two or more Submissives.

Adult writing, drawings, photographs, or films (digital movies), of people engaged in BDSM, usually but not always accompanied by graphic depictions of sexual acts. The true definition of pornography is that it has no artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire. However, today, more and more people are starting to view certain erotic adult content as art. Often, producers of adult films containing BDSM choose to use professional porn stars for their appearance and adult film sex experience, rather than their BDSM experience. This is why you may sometimes find unsafe practices in some adult films, such as unsafe rigging or bondage, as well as impact play where the Dominant strikes in unsafe areas of the body. This might be why some BDSM communities or circles view fetish porn as distasteful or a loathsome depiction of BDSM. As the Internet becomes increasingly saturated with erotic depictions of BDSM acts by people with actual BDSM experience and knowledge, so too does the acceptance of fetish porn increase, with increasing numbers of people regarding it as an art form.

A term for a group or groups of people who partake in or have interest in BDSM, making up the many social circles and communities, or the one BDSM community as a whole; the opposite of the vanilla world

a slang term that refers to members of a subculture in the leather and homosexual communities. Sometimes a term for a hairy, dominant gay male.

A glove, used in sensation play, which has metal spikes at the end of each finger, resembling a bear’s paw.

An implement made of cable, wire coated with plastic, leather, or wood wicker, in the form of several integrated loops, sometimes making intricate Celtic type designs. Used for striking. It is sometimes made of just two coated cables, one supporting the other, similar to a Cable Loop. Much like most BDSM devices, its origins date back to common household items. In this case, the device is fashioned after a common rug beater used to clean carpet. A Beater is considered to be a high impact implement. The Beaters made of heavy cable or wire can leave a welt and can cause serious bruising with little force. If not used carefully, it can easily bruise vital organs such as kidneys. A strike against the tail bone can cause damage to a Submissive’s spine. Great care should be given to the use of these types devices

The practice of attaching small bells to the skin with use of temporary piercings

The practice of attaching small bells to the skin with use of temporary piercings.

Engaging in striking a person with a belt as a form of punishment play

Small, marble-sized balls containing small weights inside that roll around, used for sexual stimulation by insertion into the vagina or anus. When a person moves around, the ben wa balls tease, but they do not necessarily bring a person to orgasm

Also known as a chevalet; a type of bondage furniture in which a Submissive is bound to a bench. The berkley horse can be elevated, rotated, or moved into almost any position for comfortable flagellation. There are openings so that a Submissive’s genitalia are exposed for access by a Dominant or an assistant. Invented in London by Pro-Domme Theresa Berkley in 1828, the flogging machine gained notoriety with the publication of her memoirs, in which there was a print of a naked man with a woman sitting in a chair exactly under it.

The practice of having sex with animals, or the fixation on such practice. Considered to be very dangerous.

Also known as the sister or brother Submissive or Slave, who not only serves the Master but also serves the Alpha Sub, who also in turn serves the Master. A structured hierarchy among Submissives in a BDSM house or family, or in any relationship involving more than one Submissive. A Beta Sub is the lower level Submissive, subservient not only to the Master but also to the Alpha Sub. Many believe that even though the role of Beta Sub has a lower stature than the Alpha Sub, it is an equal vital role to the family structure. In many ways the Beta Sub in the context of BDSM play has a role held in higher regard as it relates to the dynamic of submission to the Master. The Beta or Second Sub is equivilant to a second wife in many societies. Not all relationships that involve more than one Submissive include the role of a Beta Sub

A bundle of leafless branches, usually but not always birch tree branches, bound together by twine to make an implement administering corporal punishment. The Birch Rod has been around for centuries with its first recorded use in the year 1440. Not an actual single rod at all, it was originally simply the twigs that were bundled together to make a primitive broom or duster found in every kitchen of the time. The saying, “spare the rod, spoil the child”, is referring to the Birch Rod. Often the twigs were first soaked in brine prior to use, a heavily salted solution, for the purposes of adding an extra sting when breaking the skin as well as a preventative to infections. Soaking the branches also gave them extra weight, flexibility and strength. The practice of birching was to bare a person’s buttocks, most often in public view, and flog that person several times with the twigs, often until blood flowed from the wounds. Birching was the common form of corporal punishment, predating the cane, in British schools. Most schools included in their tuition fees, the cost of several Birch Rods. 18th and 19th century school children were often birched for minor infractions. In the early 18th century, there were many services available for those who were too softhearted to birch their own female offspring. Throughout Europe, birching was a legal judicial punishment, practiced up until 1948. On the Isle of Man, the last recorded use of the Birch Rod on prisoners was in 1976. During the Victorian era, it was commonly considered a healthy practice for men to birch their wives for what they considered minor infractions. Though elaborate feather dusters became available for dusting the house, often the primitive Birch Rod still hung on the wall as a reminder for a woman to behave as a lady. The Birch Rod may be best known in recent times as a tool used in sadomasochism. It is said that during the Marquis de Sade’s lifetime, he often instructed his servants to birch him whilst he masturbated. Several of his works included illustrations of the Birch Rod. However, use of the Birch Rod for sexual gratification predates de Sade. In ancient times, (8th century BC) the Germanic tribes used birching to wake up fertility in women. It was believed that birching a woman prior to sex, brought about extreme sexual arousal and increased chances of pregnancy. Throughout European history, it was not uncommon to see a wealthy gentleman enter a brothel with a Birch Rod in hand.

A piece of bondage furniture which originates from Scotland, with two holes for arms, and a strap that fastened around the waist, binding a person to be birched

Corporal punishment with a birch rod, typically applied to the Submissive’s bare buttocks or bare back. The term birching sometimes refers to stripping a person of their clothes and then striking them with a birch rod in public view.

Similar to today’s spanking horse; a piece of bondage furniture which a person is bent over, making them comfortable for flagellation.

A person who is sexually attracted to both men and women

Scenes that involve biting.

The act of disallowing a person to engage in BDSM activities or attend BDSM functions, usually because the person did something that was considered by others to be a major breach of BDSM etiquette. A person who is blacklisted has a very bad reputation in certain BDSM circles, often because the person showed a lack of concern for safety while playing or the person has been suspected of BDSM abuse. Blacklisting can be a good way to prevent those who intentionally or recklessly hurt people from hurting people again. However, some times a person is unjustly blacklisted due to false allegations of abuse by a scornful ex or a spiteful acquaintance. Sadly, when this happens, it makes it very difficult for a BDSM group to police itself

An orgy sex party for people who have BDSM interests

A code for ending a master/slave contract, in which the Submissive hands the Master a piece of paper with a black dot drawn/printed on it. A way of ensuring that consensual non-consent relationships remain consensual by allowing the Submissive the ability to end the relationship

Uncommon term for knife play. Blading is considered edgeplay

A garment tied to one’s head to cover the eyes and disable the wearer’s sight

Any activity that involves drawing blood. Needle play, knife play, cutting, scarification, suspension hooks, and purposely whipping a Submissive until blood is drawn are but some of the many forms of blood play. Blood sports are considered edgeplay, which can be dangerous, potentially transmitting HIV and other diseases. Blood Sports may also refer to sexual acts during a woman’s mensuration period

A form of mummification, a body bag is a long, heavy bag that fits snuggly and is used to restrain the person wearing it. It is not the same as the loose-fitting bag of the same name used to transport a human corpse

A mental disorder characterized by the idea that an aspect of a person’s own body is severely flawed to the point of obsession. Extreme dislike of one’s own appearance. The reason it is mentioned in a BDSM glossary is because forms of body dysphoria are one of the most common triggers to past trauma or abuse. BDSM play such as humiliation of a Submissive’s body, can trigger in the Submissive a flashback to prior abuse. Body Dysphoria can be part of an even more serious disorder called BDD or Body Dysmorphic Disorder, causing extreme anxiety and depression and can cause eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia.

A harness made of straps, usually leather, that is worn around the torso.

Any altering of the body, usually in the context of “marking” a Submissive. The more permanent, extreme forms of marking, such as branding, scarring, tattooing, or body piercing, should be consensual, even in consensual non-consent relationships.

To give lavish attentions to a part of the body; a practice through which the Submissive is to worship a particular part or parts of a Dominant’s anatomy.

a title for a person who presents him/herself in a young, boyish way, and is usually a Submissive. In the lesbian community, it is often a name given to a young, transgendered, androgynous masculine person who is biologically female, and presents him/herself in a young, boyish manner. Also refers simply to a male Submissive.

A broad term for any use of restraints to immobilize a person for the purpose of sexual pleasure, role-play, and/or flagellation. There are many forms of bondage, just as there are many different ways to immobilize a person. The term bondage can also refer to the state of being a slave, or greatly constrained by circumstances or obligations.

A belt used to restrain a person, made of leather and containing straps and/or O-rings, to be worn around the waist.

A person who craves and enjoys being restrained and bound.

A leather or canvas fingerless mitten, worn over the hands and secured with straps or locking cuffs. Bondage mittens prevent the wearer from having use of his/her hands.

Tape that sticks to itself but not to other surfaces such as a person’s skin or clothing

A ritual in which a person displays his/her submission to the Dominant by polishing the Dominant’s shoes or boots. Sometimes used as a gesture of submission to mark the beginning of a BDSM scene.

A male Submissive who engages in boot worship or boot blacking

A type of shoe fetish centered on boots

title for a person who is on the receiving end of any sort of BDSM play; also, a person who is submissive to another in a sexual role-play. The opposite of the Top (the person giving the floggings or spankings). This term refers to the physical aspect only. Not to be confused with a Submissive (title) who has surrendered psychological control to a Dominant. For many, both Bottom and Submissive have become interchangeable in recent times, so that Bottom has become just another general term for a Submissive and vice versa.

A temporary feeling of melancholy in a Submissive, which can occasionally occur in some people immediately after a BDSM scene or activity. Some scenes can be intense, both physically and emotionally, and sometimes the sudden reduction of endorphins in the brain can cause feelings of depression. For some, guilt about how they exposed their own emotions during the scene can be overwhelming, especially if the scene took place in front of others or a crowd. Also, for some people, the long anticipation prior to a scene, followed by the sudden end to the experience, can leave the Submissive with feelings of disappointment that the anticipation has ended. Whatever the cause of the feelings of bottom drop, it is one of the reasons why attentive aftercare is so important.

A term for the condition or state of mind of a Submissive during a deeply involved play scene. Deep subspace is often characterized as a state of deep recession and incoherence. Some have described subspace as similar to the feeling one might have directly after an intense orgasm, or as having a feeling of intoxication and extreme well-being. Thought to be caused by the release of endorphins in the brain.

a term for an action in which the Dominant of a scene allows his Submissive to be completely in charge, giving control of events taking place to the Submissive. This can be confusing because, in actuality, limits have been set and negotiated before a scene. Depending on your viewpoint, real control belongs to the Submissive anyway. However, this control is in a general sense of giving consent to a Dominant to take charge. The Submissive’s control usually stops there, apart from safe wording or ending a scene. When lines get blurred between Top and Bottom, it can be very confusing to determine who is really in charge of a scene or relationship. This can sometimes cause problems, increasing the chance of accidents. Though some who engage in powerexchange relationships use the term losely to describe the act of swithching roles during play, the term Bottoming from the Top is usually referencing a Dominant who takes on the role of Top during a scene and then lets the Bottom direct and control the scene. The term Bottoming from the Top is most often used as a derogatory term towards a Dominant that lacks the skills to keep his/her Submissive from taking control during play. Bottoming from the Top is a term that directs focus on the actions (or inactions) of the Dominant during a scene. Similar to Topping from the Bottom which is a term focused on the actions of the Submissive during a scene

LIMIT – A boundary that a Submissive may set forth for a Dominant to follow. Limits are often defined as either a soft limit or a hard limit. A soft limit is often seen as a limit that the Submissive deems flexible and that may change over time. A hard limit is a limit that may never be crossed under any circumstances. Often, confusion between soft limits and hard limits ensue. BDSM is supposed to offer a safe and controlled environment in which a person can test his/her limits and boundaries. A safe approach to this is for a Dominant to never cross any limit set forth by a Submissive, either hard or soft, without permission from the Submissive. It should be very clearly stated exactly what is considered a soft limit or hard limit. A Dominant should always be respectful of all limits, respect being the key

HARD LIMIT – A limit that a Submissive considers absolutely untouchable by the Dominant. An act or behavior that a Submissive sets forth in advance that a Dominant cannot, under any circumstances, demand of the Submissive or try to engage in. A non-negotiable part of a negotiable contract.

A form of bondage, similar to an arm tie, in which a person’s arms are forming a box and all the parts are supporting each other. It takes the pressure off all the joints. Thus, this tie, when done properly, can allow the person to have his/her arms tied behind the back for an extended period of time

A state of confusion sometimes experienced by a Submissive during a play scene.

A form of body modification that uses a heated metal object to brand a person’s skin, which leaves a permanent mark in the form of a scar. Sometimes a way for a Dominant to “mark” his Submissive. This practice can cause serious injury and should be considered very dangerous. A form of edgeplay

A term or title, sometimes meant in a derogatory sense, given to a Submissive who often provokes a Dominant to respond with a punishment by taunting, teasing, misbehaving, or disobeying an order

A form of bondage involving binding the breasts of a female

A device consisting of two planks or bars with an adjustable mechanism that clamps over the breasts of a female

Torture involving the breasts and/or nipples.

Any practice in which a person’s breathing is constricted, interrupted, made difficult, or in some way controlled by another. Considered edgeplay (dangerous). Breath control play can sometimes refer to simulated throat constriction rather than actually constricting airflow

A fetish centered on fixation with impregnating a female.

A medical instrument used to test reflexes. The head of the instrument is made of rubber but can be replaced with a small metal needle or brush, and it is used to test neurological function. The buck hammer can be a great tool for sensation play.

A common battery operated electrical device shaped like a paddle or tennis racket, used to kill flying insects. This device is also commonly used in BDSM for use in electrical play, delivering a small jolt of electricity to the skin. The device is so commonly used that is often sold in stores that sell BDSM toys or gear.

a whip created to strike horses while driving a horse-drawn carriage. It has a long, flexible shaft and a short single lash. Similar to a lunge whip, which has a long single lash. At the end of the lash is often a cracker.

A sexual practice in which a large number of men masturbate and ejaculate onto a person. Originating in Japan, from the Japanese word meaning “to splash water.” It is believed that the practice originated because of censorship of Japanese pornography. According to Japanese law, penetration could not be shown, yet there was no censorship of semen, which created a loophole for harder sex scenes

Refers to a the dominant male in a Cuckoldry sexual exchange. When a Cuckold male shares his female partner with other males, the other males are referred to as Bulls. The term may also simply refer to any well endowed male

The most popular single-tail whip, and the most difficult to master. It is made of braided leather or nylon, with a different number of plaits, (the number of lacing used to braid). The more common plaits are 8, 12 and 16. They are often made of cowhide lacing and also kangaroo hide lacing. Kangaroo is most preferred and sought after due to the flexibility of kangaroo hide. Bullwhips are also made of nylon or paracord, which can mimic the flexibility of kangaroo. Many players prefer nylon whips, as they are inexpensive yet can still work much like kangaroo whips, plus they have the ability to wash them in a standard dishwasher. Bullwhips are usually 4 to 6 feet long, but can extend as much as 12 feet. The bullwhip has a rigid handle, with a hardy core throughout. It also has a fall (single piece of leather) that leads to a small string or strings at the end called a cracker. The fall and the cracker are the part of the whip that can break the sound barrier, hence its cracking sound. As with any single-tail whip, it requires extensive knowledge and practice to use safely on a human. It is very easy to break the skin with any single-tail whip as well as cause unintended injuries. Besides the skills of the user, the quality of the leather, the number of plaits and the quality of the craftsmanship, has a great effect on whether or not the whip can be wielded with accuracy.

A term for a masculine female. A description of a lesbian’s sensibilities or behavior. Sometimes used as a derogatory term.

A sex toy used for anal stimulation, usually short in length, consisting of a flared dildo and a narrow part before the base that is meant to remain in the anus until removed. It is sometimes used in anal training, as a way of expanding the anus in preparation for intercourse. There are many different types and sizes of plugs.

A chair that contains two planks for securing the legs. When the legs are bound, they can then be rotated to spread the legs apart.

Behaviors, words, or activities that provoke a strong emotional response. Sometimes it is certain behaviors that provoke a memory or an experience that causes distress to the individual. It is common belief that a Dominant should learn his/her Submissive to the best of his/her ability, being on the look out for which buttons evoke positive or negative responses.

 

C

An implement made of cable or wire coated with plastic or leather in the form of a loop. Used for striking. Considered to be a high impact implement. It leaves a mark similar to a cane, and can cause serious bruising with little force. If not used carefully, it can easily bruise vital organs such as kidneys. A strike against the tail bone can causes

A zip tie used as a restraint. Zip ties can be used with other zip ties to increase desired length. Large zip ties, known as plasticuffs, are used by police in place of handcuffs for riot control. There is no way of unlocking a zip tie, and it is recommended that a Dominant always have a pair of EMT scissors near by while using this sort of restraint.

The sexual practice or fantasy in which a man exposes his female partner, or images of her, to other people for their voyeuristic pleasures. Also, the practice in which a man takes enjoyment from watching his female lover engage in sex with another.

A thin, flexible instrument used to strike. The favored material for canes is rattan but they can also be made
of other flexible woods and plastic. Some canes are made of bamboo, which only lasts a couple of strikes before splintering. Canings leave distinctive, painful welts, sometimes referred to as wheals. Historically, caning became the leading form of corporal punishment in the 19th century taking over popularity of the Birch Rod. It was used primarily in British homes and schools to punish students for minor infractions. In the late 18th and early 19th century, caning was a common form of domestic corporal punishment for disobedience, for both wife and child. A heavier, more severe caning was used for judicial purposes. In some countries the practice is still in use. A cane that was used for corporal punishment usually looked like a walking cane with a curved handle at one end. They had a yellowish amber color when new. The varnish on some canes would darken over time. Currently, there are many types of canes, with many types of handles, made from many different type materials.

A D-shaped metal ring with a spring-loaded straight end, used to connect two chains or ropes together. There are many types of carabiners used for the many different types of rigging in BDSM.

A generic term for a flogger, or any whip with many lashes. Most commonly refers to the Cat O’ Nine Tails flogger.

A long metal stick with electrodes at the end, much like a stun gun, used to inspire livestock to move by striking or poking them in the buttocks. Like any electricity play, playing with Cattle Prods can prove to be dangerous, particularly so with a Cattle Prod because of the high voltage that the device admits. It is possible to stop a person’s heart or disrupt body functions and cause permanent injury or death. It is advisable to never use a Stun Gun, a Cattle Prod, Taser, or any other device that admits high voltage electricity for the purposes of BDSM play. Despite the obvious dangers involved with this device, some choose to ignore the dangers and engage in BDSM type play using it. Hence why it is in the glossary. All dangerous BDSM activities or edge play have different levels of risk involved. Playing with a Cattle Prod should be considered extremely high risk and discouraged.

A specific type of flogger with nine braided lashes affixed, usually made of rope or cord, sometimes with knots at the tips. It is designed to lacerate the skin and cause intense pain. Historically, the Cat of Nine Tails, nicknamed the “Captain’s Daughter”, was a flogger used by the British navy and through most of Europe during the 18th and 19th century. It was used on British sailing vessels as a form of corporal punishment for any number of infractions to include court martial. The manner in which rope back then was plaited and then unraveled into a flogger, gave it the nine falls (tails). The knotted rope falls were often soaked in brine or seawater for an added sting and also as an antiseptic. The wounds from the “Cat” could sometimes be severe lashings. Brine or seawater was also poured over the open wounds after a flogging, to help fight infection. Hence the idiom “salt in the wound” meaning the added insult to injury. Many idioms can be contributed to the Cat O’ Nine Tails, such as “there is no room in here to swing a dead cat”, (meaning a broken whip). There were many variations of the Cat, most common being that with a wooden handle and nine knotted cords. Also a more elementary version was created by tying rope into a handle leaving loose ends for knotted falls. After punishment, the cat o’ nine tails was often soaked in blood from the wounds that it inflicted. The blood soaked flogger was sometimes simply tossed over board and a new rope flogger was then tied up for the next time punishment was to be handed out. The special knots on the falls are called blood knots or barrel knots, tied in such a way so that the rope travels in a straight line before and after the knot. The Cat was also a widely used implement for punishment on land as well. There were many different types of rope floggers used in many prisons, homes, schools, government buildings, and churches. A smaller version that used thinner cord was used by priests and monks for self-flagellation. Catholics in some South American countries used a heavier version of the rope flogger called a Cuerda (Spanish for Rope). Some cats were also made from fine strips of leather that were twisted and braided to make a rope.

A large, upright wooden wheel attached to a wall or frame. A person may be bound to the wheel and then rotated into position for flagellation. Also used to spin a person enough times for him/her to become disoriented. The original catherine’s wheel was a device used in the Middle Ages for torture, also known as a breaking wheel, which often included attached spikes.

A tube designed to be inserted in to the urethra.

Any kind of cock and ball torture

A technique of branding involving taking a pointed needle that has been heated and touching the skin for brief moments. The point of the needle creates a tiny round burn mark that sometimes scars. Hundreds, sometimes thousands, of these marks are combined to create a design on the skin. This technique is found in some ancient cultures and is believed to predate the tattoo.

The practice of a Dominant disallowing a Submissive sexual activity or sexual release. It is the state or practice of refraining from sexual intercourse, usually imposed by another.

Any device used to prohibit the wearer from having sexual intercourse. It is worn in place of underwear with a lockable harness that keeps the vagina or anus from being penetrated. Early medevial female chastity belts were made of metal however historians have recently argued whether or not such a device ever actually existed or if it was merely erotic lore.

Any piercing that temporarily prohibits the wearer from having sexual contact or intercourse

Any form of play involving mild irritants as a form of torture, such as rubbing heated menthol cream onto the testicles or nipples.

A form of animalism play in which participants take on roles that resemble chickens and/or chicken-like behavior. Said to be related to the fertility and harvest ritual in Luxembourg that dates back to the 16th century. Those who engage in chicken play put on elaborate chicken themed play parties, called hen house parties.

A slang term for a gay male who seeks out very young gay males. Outside of BDSM circles, the term Chickenhawk is also a derogatory term for a pedophile.

A derogatory term for a Dominant with little or no real world experience in BDSM who behaves recklessly. A person who engages in BDSM for the sole purpose of finding sexual partners but has no real interest in BDSM. An acronym meaning Clueless Horny Dom Wannabe.

A spiked (tined) chain worn around the thigh or sometimes around the neck, producing discomfort and pain to the wearer. It is said to have originated by a Catholic sect called the Opus Dei, in which they would wear the device two hours per day except on the Sabbath, to remind them of the suffering of Christ at the crucifixion and as punishment for ‘sins of the flesh’. The original term Cilice was for a coarse cloth or animal hair shirt that caused skin irritations, worn by some religious sects as a sign of atonement or repentance for a sin. Today the term is more often used for the metal device used in BDSM activities and/or relationships.

A tight corset, shorter than a regular corset, that wraps primarily around the wearer’s waist. Usually an under-the-bust corset that exposes the breasts

A hospital germicidal deodorizing cleaner found in most medical supply stores. The cleaner kills most germs and viruses to include HIV, and is safe to use on most dungeon equipment without fear of bleaching.

A cloth gag that is pulled between the teeth and firmly tied behind the head. Often not a very effective gag for silencing a person.

A wooden or plastic clip for securing clothes to a clothesline, used to pinch a person’s skin in BDSM play.

A nipple clamp that increases the pressure on the nipple when the attached chain or string is pulled.

A derogatory term for a Dominant who plays at fetish clubs or play parties and concerns him/herself primarily with his/her popularity in the scene. A Dominant, usually with little experience, who plays in public and is preoccupied with his/her appearance and performance, rather than concentrating on the needs and safety of the Submissive he/she is playing with. Similar in meaning to a chud-wa.

The act between two males, placing the heads of their penises together. Penis touching penis. Often the term refers to one penis touching the head of a partner’s uncircumcised penis, and then rolling the foreskin over the other penis. Sometime confused with HARD DOCKING which is a completely different act.

A rubber or metal ring affixed around the base of the penis, used to allow blood to travel into the penis while constricting blood flow out of the penis, thus keeping it erect. Some cock rings have a leather strap or drawstring mechanism.

A Dominant who acts as a partner to another Dominant in a scene.

A bondage box, shaped like a coffin, that a person can be locked inside of. Often the box will have openings so that a Dominant has access to certain body parts.

A strap made of leather or metal and worn around the neck as a symbol of submission or lifetime commitment to BDSM slavery. Often it has an O-ring where a lead can be attached, and sometimes it has a locking device so that it cannot easily be removed. There are all sorts of collars, from those similar to what you would find at a pet store to collars resembling historic slave rings. The slave collar is a symbol of a lifestyle commitment, of a long-term relationship between a Dominant and a Submissive. However, the collar is sometimes also worn merely as decoration, or a symbol that the wearer has an interest in BDSM as a Submissive.

A term for the common etiquette in the BDSM community that a person who is collared should not be approached by another person, especially another Dominant, without first gaining permission from the Master. To do so is considered disrespectful and rude

The state of being engaged in a long-term BDSM relationship as a Submissive to a Dominant. A term used for a slave to a Master/Domme.

A formal ceremony celebrating the long-term commitment made between a Dominant and Submissive. Similar to a marriage or a wedding. Often a celebration marking the beginning of a TPE relationship.

The term for the deliberate process of creating a psychological link between a desired response and an unrelated stimuli. Also a term for training a Submissive to respond in a way desired by his/her Dominant.

A thin latex sheath used as a barrier during sex to help prevent the transmission of STDs. It’s considered good practice to use condoms on toys that are used with more than one partner. Condoms are also made of other materials for those with latex allergies.

Permission for something to happen or agreement to do something. In a BDSM context, consent is when a Submissive freely gives permission to conditions and actions of a scene, without coercion or duress. The difference between all activities involving BDSM/sexual activities and abuse is the presence or absence of affirmative consent. Informed consent is an essential component in all BDSM play. Without complete consent from the Submissive, such activities are considered both physically and mentally abusive.

A situation or relationship in which a Submissive knowingly and completely voluntarily gives up the ability to prevent a Dominant from doing whatever he/she wants to do. Often (and this is recommended) strict ground rules to a consensual non-consensual relationship or play are placed in effect before said relationship or play begins. Hard limits and guidelines are put in place to limit the Dominant’s given power. A 24/7 TPE relationship is considered a consensual non-consent relationship, as the ground rules are set forth and consent is given for the Dominant to act in a non-consensual way, save any of the Submissive’s hard limits. In other words, the Submissive may often have to engage in activities that he/she would rather not do; however, permission was given to the Dominant at the start of said relationship, authorizing the Dominant to order such activities as the Dominant sees fit. Some argue that it should not be considered consensual unless the Submissive maintains the ability to revoke the Dominant’s power and end the relationship. This ensures that the consensual non-consent relationship always stays consensual.

Also known as a slave contract; a written agreement between a Dominant and Submissive, negotiating guidelines in regards to activities in a BDSM relationship. A way of establishing rules, hard limits, and the individual roles participants are to play in a relationship. A written contract can sometimes help prevent BDSM relationships from becoming physically or mentally abusive. These contracts are not in any way legally binding or enforceable. They do little to help protect a Dominant from charges of abuse, should such contracts be brought into the courtroom. A Submissive should still report anything (s)he considers abusive, and it is still the sole responsibility of the Dominant to always be aware of any serious physical or mental injury (s)he might cause. The contract is a useful tool for outlining what is acceptable and unacceptable in a BDSM relationship. The contract does not release participants from basic human rights and human decency

Any physical punishment, such as spanking, caning, or flogging.

A Victorian-style clothing piece, often made of leather, PVC, or strong vinyl, worn around the waist and cinched tight with laces in the back and/or sides. Often with rigid vertical strips called boning. The corset is meant to narrow the waist and lift the breasts, creating an unrealistic form of the female body.

A collar that cinches up with laces (much like a corset) rather than a buckle.

A form of piercing play where needles or rings are pierced into the skin, and then decorative laces are placed in a pattern that is reminiscent of the lacing of a corset

A Dominant who acts as a partner to another Dominant in a scene.

The psychological practice in which a Dominant commands that the Submissive count out each strike during play.

Cardiopulmonary resuscitation. Classes can be taken online for a minimal fee to certify a person in CPR. It is always good practice to be prepared in the event something should go wrong during BDSM play.

Also known as a popper; a short piece of cord or heavy string at the end of a whip that makes a loud cracking sound when the whip is snapped. The cracker is the very tip of the whip that moves faster than the speed of sound, creating a small sonic boom, hence the cracking sound

A sudden feeling of depression or unhappiness immediately following a BDSM scene or activity

A thin, flexible tool used for striking, often made of fiberglass rod. The tip of the crop has a small strap or piece of leather. The crop was originally created for striking a horse’s hide.

A popular type of bondage furniture consisting of an X-shaped cross that is affixed to a frame or to a wall, in which a person can be bound for the purposes of flagellation. It is also known as an X-frame in the U.S., and in Europe it sometimes called a diagonal cross.

The act of wearing clothing and other adornments associated with the opposite sex

Refers to the confusion that may happen when something goes wrong during play, in the context of when one should call for help. The philosophy is that if a person is in a situation where (s)he finds him/herself contemplating seeking medical attention, then by default, at that moment it is definitely time to seek medical attention. As soon as you are confused, take no chances and call for help.

A man with an adulterous wife. In BDSM it refers to the fetish of a man who takes sexual pleasure from his female partner to have sex with other men, as a means to feel humiliation.

The act of making someone a cuckold; the state or quality of being a cuckold. Refers to the act of a Dominant female having sex with other partners as a way to humiliate the Submissive male. Sometimes a form of punishment, where the Submissive male must watch the female Dominant enjoy the company of another. Example: a submissive husband was made to watch his dominant wife have sexual intercourse with other men. The term cuckold originates from the Cuckoo bird which often lays its eggs in the nest of other birds. The original term was used as a derogitory name for any man with an adulterous wife. The term now generally refers to the sexual fetish of the same name, in which a male gains sexual gratification from his female partner having sex with other males. The term is also now erroneously used to refer to any male and female couple who enjoy having the female partner engage in sex and/or sexual acts with other males, often without any sort of humiliation play involved. Sometimes a dominant male will encourage his submissive female to have sex with other men and they use the term Cuckoldry to describe their relations. However, this is thought to be an inaccurate use of the term. Many argue that true Cuckoldry must have an element of humiliation play and that without the element of humiliation it is instead referred to as merely Swinging. The Swinger term for a male that enjoys sharing his partner with other males without any humiliation attached to the act is referred to as a Stag. To add even more confusion to how the term Cuckodry is used, in recent times it is sometimes used by some porn sites and some online BDSM social networking sites to describe any sex with multiple people, to include a female who enjoys her male partner to have sexual relations with other women. The fetish of a male partner humiliating the female partner by having sex with other woman outside of the relationship, is sometimes referred to as Cuckqueanry

The gender opposite of a cuckold. A woman with an adulterous husband. In BDSM it refers to the fetish of a woman who takes sexual pleasure from her male partner to have sex with other women, as a means to feel humiliation. Not to be confused with Cuckqueen, which has a different spelling and different meaning all together.

Refers to a woman who enjoys making her male partner a cuckold by her engaging in sexual relations with other men. Though the term Cuckqueen actually refers to an adulterous female, it has been erroneously used by many porn sites and online social networking sites to describe a Cuckquean, which has a different spelling and different meaning all together. Cuckqueen is also sometimes referred to as a Vixen or Hotwife.

Any restraint that binds a person by immobilizing his/her limb/s.

Stimulation of the female genitals using the tongue or lips. Oral sex performed on a female.

A type of sensation play involving the use of small glass cups. The cups are placed over the skin and the air inside the cups is evacuated, creating a small semi-vacuum. Originally, a cotton ball soaked in flammable alcohol was set on fire and then tossed under the cup. The flame ate up all the oxygen under the cup and then extinguished itself, thus creating the semi-vacuum effect. This technique is still used today; however, more often used are modern cups with valves and tubing attached to the top where a pump can be attached. The vacuum inside the cup when placed over the skin can be strong enough to create pain and bleeding, leaving a distinct, ring-shaped bruise. In BDSM it is used as a form of play torture, but in some cultures, cupping is an ancient form of alternative medicine. It is believed to promote healing by mobilizing blood flow.

Any act in which a person cuts the skin of another or him/herself for the purposes of sexual gratification. When a person has an uncontrollable compulsion to cut him/herself, it is considered a mental disorder that should be taken seriously.

An uncommon acronym for clitoris and vagina torture. The opposite of cock and ball torture. Women having the same urges that some men do in regards to having their genitals tortured is also considered rare.

D

Refers to a person who takes on the role of Dominant. A dominant type person. The opposite of a S-type person.

The acronym for dominance and submission. It is often considered proper in some BDSM circles to write it as an uppercase “D” for the Dominant and a lowercase “s” for the Submissive.

The act of taking sexual pleasure from seeing a partner cry, in the context that the person crying is also receiving pleasure from the experience. Dacryphilia play is sometimes a form of humiliation play, in which the Submissive is aware that the Dominant is taking pleasure from his/her distress, (in a play context). When such arousal causes a person actual distress or causes potential harm to another, it is then considered a paraphilia. In this case, specifically Dacryphilia

A Dominant who takes on the role of Master, with father- or daddy-like qualities. A Daddy is considered stern, yet also nurturing and loving. The term Daddy can, but does not always, refer to a title or role taken in age play.

A collar that is worn by day, one that is more inconspicuous, usually but not always worn by a person in a 24/7 D/s relationship who has a need to hide or discretely downplay their lifestyle and relationship in front of outsiders. Either a collar that resembles more of a neckless or chocker rather than a BDSM collar, or a collar that drops low enough to be concealed by clothing

A person who feels that they must have an emotional connection with a partner in order to be sexually attracted to them. A person who only has sexual relations with a person that they have an emotional connection with. In todays kink realm, it has become more common for people to disconnect themselves from any sort of emotional connection when having sex, therefore some use the term Demisexual to distinguish themselves as people that choose a more traditional approach towards sex, striving to have a sentimental bond with their sex partners.

A latex barrier used for oral sex to help prevent the transmission of STDs. Saran Wrap is sometimes used when a latex dental dam is not available.

Any bondage by which a person is immobilized with or in conjunction with specialized equipment or devices.

A technique of branding involving taking a pointed needle that has been heated and touching the skin for brief moments. The point of the needle creates a tiny round burn mark that sometimes scars. Hundreds, sometimes thousands, of these marks are combined to create a design on the skin. This technique is found in some ancient cultures and is believed to predate the tattoo.

Any play in which a person wears a diaper, or is sexually attracted to wearing a diaper or others wearing a diaper. Usually a prop in Age Play for Adult Babies. Diaper Play is also related to Water Sports.

The practice of training a person to obey rules or a code of behavior using physical and/or mental punishment to correct disobedience; the act of inflicting punishment for failure to behave in a prescribed way.

A form of objectification play involving the mental and physical process of becoming a living doll. Those who engage in this sort of role-play often enjoy the process of transformation in a ritualistic fashion. Some individuals have elaborate dress up sessions that include putting on extensive make-up or wearing a doll mask. Some even undergo extreme body modifications such as plastic surgery to achieve a doll-like appearance. Those who are involved in dollification are often referred to as Owner (or Creator) and Doll. This is comparable to a Master/Slave or Dom/Sub relationship.

A derogatory term to describe a Submissive that is primarily concerned with self-gratification rather than serving the desires of the Dominant. Someone who is more intent on receiving attention than giving it. The term can be confusing because the Submissive is suppose to be the receiver in many BDSM activities. Plus there is the belief that the Submissive should only serve another person if it in return serves her. That being said, the term Do-me Queen usually refers to a selfish or self-centered Submissive who only cares for her needs while ignoring the commands or needs of the Dominant in the exchange. A Do-me Queen is a Brat or unruly Sub

One who asserts control or authority over another; the person in charge of a scene or play. A title for a Top, declaring a role one takes or wishes to take in a BDSM scene or sexual act.

A Dominant. Most often used as the title of a person engaging in or wishing to engage in an act where he or she takes on the role of the Dominant.

A Dominant, most often female. Often used as a title of a Pro-Domme.

A female Dominant. It is mostly used as the title of a person engaging in or wishing to engage in an act where she takes on the role of the Dominant.

A bondage device made up of a strap consisting of a ring on one side and a piece of metal or dowel on the other. When the strap is placed on top of a door and the door is then closed, a ring will hang on one side in one room, while the metal or wooden piece hangs on the other. The piece cannot pass through the space between the door and the doorjamb, hence allowing a person to be securely bound to the ring.

The sexual practice or act in which a female is penetrated both vaginally and anally at the same time

Sometimes referred to as the double weave; a flogging technique that involves a person wielding two floggers, one in each hand, and creating a figure-eight-type pattern, one hand on top of the other, interchanging positions. The purpose of the Florentine is to give a steady, constant flagellation. The two popular types of Florentine flogging are the four point and six point, (the amount of steps before the pattern repeats). The name is derived from an ancient two sword fighting technique believed to originate in Florence Italy, however the actual motion of Florentine flogging is more like a Poi fire performance technique.

An internet term for the practice of cyber stalking with the intent to bring about harassment or harm to an individual, company or organization, by exposing personal or identifying information to the public. The way in which the term is used in the BDSM community is the practice of internet stalking for the purposes of exposing a person’s interest or involvement in BDSM to family members or employers to harm the reputation of the person. Some Doxing practices are illegal in many states

A term for cross-dressing

A type of whip consisting of a triangular piece of leather. The leather is formed into a roll, similar to a tail, becoming pointed at the end.

A type of whip that is very similar to the dragon’s tail, only it consists of one piece rolled over another smaller piece, giving the striking end two points

A specific type of collar that drops downward in the front, meant to drop below the throat. It is said to be more comfortable, as it does not cross the larynx. Some recommend the drop collar because it can hide under a shirt, so as to not be seen by the vanilla world.

the condition in which a male has been milked to the point where he has an orgasm without releasing ejaculate.

Any place set up specifically for BDSM activities, often containing equipment and bondage furniture.

A person in charge of ensuring that the participants in a BDSM play scene adhere to safety guidelines set forth prior to the scene. The dungeon monitor is in charge of policing the scene, making sure everyone treats each other with respect and does not engage in any reckless behavior.

a derogatory, offensive term for a lesbian often used by bigots. The term is increasingly being used in a non-derogatory way to define a lesbian with masculine traits. In some BDSM circles, the term Dyke is an honorable title, and that is why the term is mentioned here.

 

E

Any dangerous practice or play that involves risk of injury. Also, any activity or play that pushes beyond the hard limits or boundaries of a Submissive, to the point of possible mental injury to the Submissive. Breath control, fire play, knife play, erotic asphyxiation, blood play, and some forms of electrical play are but a few activities that are considered edgeplay.

any practice involving the use of electrical current to stimulate or cause sudden painful shock to a person. Violet wands, electric fly swatters and tens units are but some of the equipment used in electrical play. Some forms of electrical play are considered edgeplay and can be very dangerous. Any amount of electrical current administered above the waist, near or around the heart, can sometimes induce heart arrhythmia, or worse, a heart attack.

Writings that are of an erotic nature or sexually explicit. The term is also sometimes used for erotic photography or erotic films. Many stories that involve mock abuse or BDSM activities fall under the Erotica umbrella

known as breath control play, it is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for sexual arousal or to intensify the pleasure of an orgasm. Those who engage in this sort of play are often referred to as gaspers. The carotid arteries carry oxygen-enriched blood from the heart to the brain. When these are compressed, as in strangulation, the sudden loss of oxygen to the brain and the accumulation of carbon dioxide can increase feelings of lightheadedness and pleasure, which can heighten sexual sensations. Simulated breath control, also known as MEA, is when air is not actually or completely restricted. Sometimes, it is merely the sudden loss of control and the endorphin rush induced by the subconscious fear of not being able to properly breathe that gives the intensity people seek from this sort of play. Thus, this sort of sensation can be achieved without actually completely restricting the person’s intake of oxygen. One technique that some Dominants use is to tease a Submissive with very short lapses of air, such as covering a Submissive’s mouth for a few seconds while keeping the fingers slightly open. Another technique some Dominants use is to have a loose grip around the throat of the Submissive to simulate choking. Some even use a rope, belt, or scarf around the Submissive’s neck, putting pressure on larynx, but taking great care not to actually restrict the arteries. In other words, they do not actually choke the Submissive. This can sometimes give the Submissive the effect they seek without actually completely depriving the brain of oxygen. Even simulated choking is considered edgeplay and is very dangerous. Those who engage in this sort of play should do so with extreme caution and should be extremely attentive to the Submissive’s consciousness. Even when engaging in mock breath control play, it is recommended that the Dominant is well trained in CPR and has a phone nearby. More extreme forms of breath control play, such as actually completely depriving the brain of oxygen, are not recommended. Again, any sort of erotic asphyxiation, even MEA, is very risky. More than a thousand people each year die in the United States alone while engaging in some form or degree of erotic asphyxiation. No form of breath control play should be considered safe, as it can lead to permanent injury or death. Many different forms of breath control are often found in BDSM activities, from clubs and parties to the bedroom, which is why so much has been written about it here. It seems to be one of the forms of edgeplay that is often not taken seriously enough as a dangerous activity.

The act of psychologically weakening a male Submissive

Medical scissors specifically designed to cut bandages, fabric or rope off a person. The bottom blade of the scissor is shaped in such a way as to help prevent cutting or gouging the skin. EMT Scissors are particularly handy when trying to free someone from bondage involving rope, cloth, vinyl, or tape in the event of an emergency

A term for mummification play.

Any of a group of hormones secreted within the brain and nervous system. They are produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus as a reaction to exercise, excitement, fear, pain, love, and orgasm. Endorphins can produce feelings of well-being. An “endorphin rush” is a term sometimes used in BDSM to describe feelings of exhilaration brought on by a scene that brings some people to a state of subspace.

a procedure in which liquid is injected into the rectum, usually through a thin plastic nozzle that is then inserted into the anus, typically to expel its contents, encouraging a bowel movement. In BDSM, the enema is often used as a form of humiliation, or more commonly as a tool to ready someone for anal sex.

Code term for caning

the customary code of behavior while engaging in BDSM activities, or the social code in BDSM communities. The requirements of mutual consent and agreements as to the limits of any BDSM activity. For example, in many circles it is considered rude to approach or distract a person while they are engaged in play. This would be a breach of BDSM etiquette.

A feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness, feelings of well-being. Often another word used for the term subspace.

An implement for striking, usually about 25cm in length, about 2mm in diameter, and made of a carbon fiber reinforced plastic rod. It is used by firmly holding the handle, then bending the tip and letting it snap onto the skin. Some evil sticks have a small ball near the tip that concentrates its whole energy on an even smaller area, causing more pain.

A leather hood that covers every part of the head but the mouth. It mimics the executioner’s hood worn throughout history.

Extravagant behavior that is intended to attract attention to oneself. A mental condition characterized by the compulsion to display one’s genitals in public. Engaging in sexual activities while others watch and become sexually aroused.

A person acting in exhibitionism; someone who is sexually aroused by showing others their naked body and/or someone who enjoys having sex while people watch.

He practice of restricting a Submissive from being able to make direct eye contact with a Dominant

F

The sexual act whereby a Dominant sits on the face of a Submissive, who is sometimes restrained, forcing the Submissive to perform oral sex and/or anilingus. Sometimes a form of breath control.

The practice in which a Dominant slaps the face of a Submissive, used for humiliation play.

A term used to describe a female who focuses on or seeks the attentions of gay males. The term also refers to women who are interested in sexual relations with bisexual males. Considered to be a derogatory term in the vanilla world, outside of BDSM circles.

Another name for the lashes of a flogger, also sometimes refers to the striking end of a single-tail whip.

most often referred to as a “house,” a group of individuals who have agreed to be partners with one another, sometimes exclusively, in the context of BDSM play. Often, a BDSM family will take on a family-like hierarchical structure, usually consisting of a master with multiple slaves. Sometimes the family structure is a marriage, or takes on marriage-like qualities.

Any activity that uses fear as a form of control. Often achieved with blindfolds, threats of pain, and/or psychological games

A sexual fetish relating to food, in which one partner feeds the other, both to obtain sexual arousal. Often practiced to encourage consensual weight gain, for those who appreciate a larger body type. This can also refer to fattening up a person to the point of partial immobility as a form of bondage. Taking this practice to such extremes should be considered dangerous and very unhealthy.

a sexual attraction to feet. One of the more popular fetishisms, often associated with male submission to women, although any sexual attraction to male or female feet by either male or female is considered a Foot Fetish.

stimulation of the male genitals using the tongue or lips. Oral sex performed on a male. Also known as a Blow Job or Head.

The sexual practice of orally licking or sucking semen out of the vagina or anus of a person after sexual intercourse. Sometimes refers to the specific practice of a male sucking out his own semen from a person’s anus he just ejaculated in.

A power exchange between two people in which the Dominant is female, often to a Submissive male. A loose term for a Domme.

A term for feminine lesbian or a very feminine bisexual female, both in behavior and appearance. Also sometimes referred to as a Lipstick Lesbian. The opposite of a masculine lesbian sometimes referred to as Butch. Femme is also sometimes erroneously used to refer to a feminine male or Sissy.

A form of humiliation play; the practice of forcing the attire, activities, and behaviors of a female on a male Submissive. Such activities may include: forced cross dressing, forcing a male Submissive to insert and wear a tampon in his anus, or forcing a male Submissive to perform sexual acts with another male.

A flat ruler with a widened end, formerly used by teachers for corporal punishment to students. A slang term for a cane.

A form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked by an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part(s) of the body, or specific situations. It is the medical term for a perversion from what is considered to be normal sexual behavior. In the BDSM world, the term fetish is used a bit differently and does not take on a negative context as an actual disorder until the sexual perversion brings about negative effects. Many people choose to embrace their perversion rather than attempting treatment to rid themselves of it. If the perversion does not cause a person harm or distress, and if it has no detrimental effects, then embracing the perversion can sometimes bring about feelings of well-being and enjoyment. This may be the reason why BDSM, in general, is often referred to as fetish: fetish play, fetish pornography, fetish photography, fetish clothing, a fetish club, a fetish event, a fetish party, etc. In the BDSM world, when a perversion does indeed bring about negative aspects, it is referred to as a paraphilia, rather than simply a fetish.

A social networking website much like Facebook, catering to fetish enthusiasts and people interested in BDSM. You must register a free membership to view other profiles, making the privacy level relatively minimal. You may set your photos to be viewed by only selected “friends”. The site is not indexed and a person’s profile is not crawled by search engines.

Another name for leg irons or leg cuffs. Usually a prison term.

A type of restraint originally made of wood, similar to a stock or portable pillory, in which the head and wrists can be bound in single file. Its shape is much like that of a violin, from which it gets its name. Historically, the Shrew’s Fiddle, also known as a “Halsgeige”, was originally used in the medieval time period to punish and torture unruly or quarrelsome women. Sometimes a small bell was attached to the end of the Fiddle to let townspeople know that the troublesome woman was nearing. Often a rope or chain was attached to the Fiddle so that she could be led around streets by an aggrieved husband in public view. She was then often birched or flogged whilst in the restraint. The Shrew’s Fiddle was intended to shame and embarrass the victim as well as cause discomfort with the positioning of her restrained arms. Some fiddles were constructed as to have two people bound to each other, facing each other, but in such a way that they could not touch each other. There was also a metal version that was commonly used on slaves, with combined shackles that bound the arms and neck in the same fashion as the wood version. Currently metal versions of the shrew’s fiddle are the most common replicas sold for BDSM use.

The practice of placing a piece of carved ginger root into the anus or vagina. This causes a burning sensation that some claim intensifies an orgasm. Its effects are similar to chemical play. Figging dates back to the Victorian era, and was used in conjunction with caning to discipline disobedient, troublesome women.

The use of hot and cold substances or liquids in sensation play, particularly waxing and then applying ice to the skin directly after.

Any practice involving the use of fire in a BDSM scene or sexual activity. Considered edgeplay and very dangerous.

A flogger with several lashes made of Kevlar that are soaked in a flammable liquid and then ignited prior to use. The lashes strike the Submissive for very brief periods so as to avoid burning.

Another term for an Alpha Sub or in some cultures a First Wife. The slave who has more rights or power over other slaves of the same Master. Also a term for the head Submissive slave in the Gor novels.

Edge play that involves a Dominant punching a Submissive in a fleshy area such as the Submissive’s buttocks, intended to leave a bruise. Taken from the term with the same name meaning to fight with fist.

An activity where an entire hand is inserted into the vagina or anus. It is achieved by placing the fingers close together, creating a funnel shape, and then inserting them slowly into the vagina or anus. Used to bring about intense orgasms.

A sling designed so that a person can be comfortably reclined with legs spread apart in slings, convenient for fisting.

A flag that symbolizes support for the idea that people whose sexuality or relationship preferences, including BDSM, deserve the same human rights as everyone else. The flag symbolizes that a person should never be discriminated against for pursuing BDSM activities or lifestyle.

A flag that symbolizes the practitioners of S&M, leather fetishes, and BDSM.

A flag that symbolizes the ownership subculture of those who participate in a 24/7 TPE relationship as either owner or slave.

A generic term for flogging, beating, or whipping, either as a religious discipline or for sexual gratification.

The act of sporting a specific, colored handkerchief, each color representing a specific form of BDSM activity. The person wearing the colored flag is expressing an interest in engaging in that specific BDSM activity.

The practice of switching roles from Bottom to Top during a scene. Not usually a welcomed practice.

To strike with a flogger.

An implement used to strike a person, with multiple lashes attached to it. A flogger often, but not always, has a handle that is balanced so that the flogger is easily wielded. There are many different types of floggers, with lashes made of leather, suede, horsehair, fur, rubber, rope, or plastic.

Sometimes referred to as the double weave; a flogging technique that involves a person wielding two floggers, one in each hand, and creating a figure-eight-type pattern, one hand on top of the other, interchanging positions. The purpose of the Florentine is to give a steady, constant flagellation. The two popular types of Florentine flogging are the four point and six point, (the amount of steps before the pattern repeats). The name is derived from an ancient two sword fighting technique believed to originate in Florence Italy, however the actual motion of Florentine flogging is more like a Poi fire performance technique.

an agreement between two or more partners in a sexual relationship to practice unprotected sexual intercourse with each other. The term fluid bonding is often used to describe relationships within certain polyamorous groups. For example: an individual might be permitted to have protected sex with one partner, while being in a fluid bond with another.

a term for a psychological state that may occur during BDSM play, in which a Submissive has rapturous, transcendent feelings. A state where the Submissive feels a psychic connection with the Dominant. Submissives who have experienced “flying” during play describe feeling as though they were protected by the Dominant’s spiritual self, as well as feelings of an almost out-of-body experience, hence the name “flying.”

any inanimate object that when contaminated with or exposed to infectious agents, such as a pathogenic bacteria, a virus, or a fungi, can transfer disease to a new host. Any material that can carry a live virus long enough to transmit it to another person. Many BDSM implements such as floggers and whips are made from fabric and leather which are porous materials and in certain conditions, could be considered a fomite.

A practice involving the use of food on, around, or in a Submissive for erotic purposes.

a sexual attraction to feet. One of the more popular fetishisms, often associated with male submission to women, although any sexual attraction to male or female feet by either male or female is considered a Foot Fetish.

Using feet to massage a male’s penis, bring about sexual pleasure. Much like a hand-job but using feet.

The sexual act of inserting a foot into a vagina or anus. Similar to fisting but with a foot. Often associated with foot fetishism.

An orgasm induced in a person against his/her will, within the confines of consensual non-consent relationships.

Sex being forced on a person, against his/her will, within the confines of consensual non-consent relationships. Not to be confused with rape, which is completely non-consensual sex as an act of violence, also known as Rape play.

A form of bondage and sexual objectification in which a person’s body is bound in such a way as to resemble a chair, table, or other piece of furniture. The person is then often used as a piece of furniture, such as a footrest. The term was originally coined by Jeff Gord. Forniphilia is an extreme form of bondage, as the person is often tightly bound and the practice is meant to immobilize a person for prolonged periods. Forniphilia also pertains to using a Submissive as furniture with simple Honor Bondage.

Involving urination by a woman.

Any BDSM activity in which no one assumes the role of Top and no one assumes the role of Bottom. No Dominant and no Submissive. Seen as practice play. Often, freeplay refers to a session of teaching others techniques in BDSM.

Code term for kissing involving the tongue, including cunnilingus and fellatio.

A type of bondage in which the person kneels, and the ankles are then bound to the thighs, and the wrists to the ankles.

Any machine which is designed to simulate sexual intercourse. A machine with a dildo affixed to a motor that enables a thrusting motion.

A technique where a Dominant has sexual intercourse with a Submissive whilst simultaneously flogging them, keeping a steady rhythm to both activities. Can be a form of contra polar stimulation.

Punishment that is meant to be fun or a punishment served in a light-hearted manner. Some people feel that all punishment in an arena of play should be considered fun and not serious. The term is also used by those who practice a 24/7 TPE relationship and who consider corporal punishment to be a bit more serious than just play, as a way of distinguishing between actual punishment and a play fun-time punishment.

A gag that is connected to a funnel. The gag is placed in the mouth and strapped, allowing liquids to be funneled into the throat, where the person has no choice but to swallow.

A subculture of individuals interested in anthropomorphic cartoon-like animal characters, often with human personalities, who take on an alter-ego character. Some individuals create extensive faux-fur character costumes known as fursuits. These fursuits are similar in style to costumes seen at amusement parks around the world. Furry lifestylers refer to themselves as Furries. During the 1980’s Furries began publishing fanzines and developing diverse social groups on the Internet. They often meet with like-minded individuals dressed in their furry alter-ego costumes and interact with each other in public. Some prefer to keep their character’s identity vanilla without any fetish aspects. Some worry about how appealing the costumes are to children because they do not want to be perceived as pedophiles. Some Furries consider his/her role-play to be a sexual fetish and engage in sexual activities while wearing his/her suits. The term “yiff” is a common furry fandom code to indicate something of a sexual nature. A small portion of furries are also sexually interested in forms of zoophilia or bestiality. Dildos replicating that of animal sexual organs are sometimes attached to the costumes for sexual play. Again, it is important to note, a great many people do not engage in the furry lifestyle as a fetish nor do they draw any connection between their lifestyle and BDSM.

G

Any device that is placed in the mouth or over the mouth, either partially or completely, that is designed as a restraint system to prevent speech or to mute a person’s verbal sounds. Sometimes gags hold the mouth open rather than closed. There are several sorts of gags, such as: cleave gag, ball gag, ring gag, rope gag, mouth gag, mouth bit, pump gag, funnel gag, spider gag, tape gag, and utility gag. The term also refers to the act of choking or retching.

A sexual act with multiple males and one female. An orgy with far less females than males.

A slang term for a form of psychological abuse in which false information is given to the victim, designed to disorient and cause doubt in his/her own perception of events. A form of abusive mind control often brought on by isolating the victim so there is no one else that can dispute certain situations. The term comes from a play on Broadway in 1941 called Gas Light. It was later adapted into a movie in 1944 starring Ingrid Bergman as the victim of such abuse. Gaslighting can also refer to any mental abuse by a Dominant to a Submissive in the BDSM realm.

One who engages in gasping/breath control.

A male chastity device, consisting of several metal rings connected together and placed around the penis, designed to prevent the penis from becoming erect; proves very painful should the male become aroused.

any item or device used in a BDSM activity. Toys, tools, and instruments are also terms for gear.

A person who identifies themselves as a mix of both male and female, feeling more male on some days and more female on others.

A person who identifies themselves as neither male nor female, a gender that is outside of the simple binary norm. The term also applies to someone who identifies themselves as being a person of the opposite sex on the inside, while being sexually attracted to the same sex that they were born. For example, a woman who feels she is a man inside a woman’s body, and finds other women attractive. She is not simply gay (a woman attracted to another woman), because she identifies herself as being male.

Inflicting pain on the genitals.

A code term for sadomasochistic activities. An Old Guard or Leather code word used to distinguish BDSM activities from other sexual activities.

The original term is an offensive slang name for a physically handicapped or lame person; also, a feeble or contemptible person. In BDSM, the term gimp refers to a gay male Submissive, or someone who frequently wears a gimp suit. Even within a BDSM context, the term is sometimes used in derogatory ways.

A tight-formed hood, often made of leather, rubber, PVC, and/or spandex, which entirely encloses the face and head. It often lacks openings for the eyes, mouth, or ears.

A bondage suit made of stretched leather, PVC, rubber, and/or spandex, designed to cover the body completely, fitting closely to the skin, often including anchor points for bondage. It sometimes has an attached hood, or gimp mask.

A term for the act of urinating on a person.

A Term used to describe a desired pain by the receiver in a BDSM exchange. A pain that a person perceives as pleasurable. The opposite being that bad pain is unwanted or too much pain.

 

 

H

A bondage technique in which the person’s hair is braided or tied to rope and then bound, so that movement of the head causes pain to the scalp.

A pair of lockable, linked metal rings for securing a person’s wrists together. The most common restraint device used by law enforcement or militia. Unlike wrist cuffs or shackles, handcuffs are narrow with sharp edges, and can be painful in certain BDSM play situations.

A term for fisting that usually refers to fisting a male.

A way of communicating to others a preference for certain BDSM and/or sexual activities one wishes to engage in, by wearing a colored handkerchief. Different specific colors, as well as whether the handkerchief is worn on the left or the right, represent the different specific BDSM and/or sexual activities. Primarily a technique used in the gay leather/old leather communities.

The sexual practice of quickly and vigorously penetrating the vagina or anus of a partner, without any sort of warm up or foreplay, and without allowing the person’s body enough time to adjust to the penis. The physical motions of simulated rape. It is taken from the nautical term for making port during heavy seas and slamming the side of the boat against the dock. Not to be confused with COCK DOCKING or DRY DOCKING which is a completely different act.

A limit that a Submissive considers absolutely untouchable by the Dominant. An act or behavior that a Submissive sets forth in advance that a Dominant cannot, under any circumstances, demand of the Submissive or try to engage in. A non-negotiable part of a negotiable contract.

A polyamorous group of Submissives, serving one or more Dominants.

A gag, similar to a ball gag, made of interconnected straps designed to harness the head and hold the gag securely in place.

A very painful type of birch rod, usually made of four to five hazel twigs.

Mental preparation for any BDSM activity. The time before a scene, or a warm up during a scene, where a Submissive can relax enough to mentally prepare for forthcoming sensations.

A term for intense play that is considered physically strenuous but stops shy of edgeplay.

The pursuit of sensual self-indulging pleasures. The ethical ideology that seeking pleasure is the most important aspect of all life on earth.

A pleasure-seeker; one who engages in hedonism.

A common vibrator, considered very powerful, for use in stimulating the clitoris of a female or testicles of a male, often used in BDSM play.

A formal event, usually a dinner party or play party with a very strict set of rules and protocols that all attendees must adhere to. They highlight the service dynamic between a Dominant and a Submissive, in which a Submissive serves either her Dominant or serves a particular House, and performs a set of ritualistic task that are established prior to the beginning of the event. The code of procedure or behavior is specified so that all the Submissives complete the task as a group.

A very tight skirt that ends below the knees, which gives the wearer limited mobility in his/her legs. This will cause the wearer to walk in a hobble motion. The history of the skirt or dress started around 1910, inspired by Asian influence on Western Culture. In modern fetish fashion, it is often made out of leather, PVC, or latex.

Any device designed to restrain a person by the genitals, often causing the wearer to have extreme difficulty walking. A small stock that a male’s testicles are locked in, while the width of the wood between the thighs causes difficulty walking. A Humbler is a popular Hobble Stock.

A belt that binds the legs closely together, causing the wearer to have difficulty walking.

A strap meant for striking, made of thick, heavy leather or rubber, sometimes covered in gauze, canvas, or burlap. In recent years, the term hog slapper has been used loosely to describe many different implements by many adult toy retailers, possibly because the definition of a slapper varies. The most common use of the term hog slapper is a crop with a leather slapper at the tip.

A bondage technique in which the person is bound wrists to ankles, usually behind the back, whilst lying on his or her stomach. A more extreme version is when all four limbs are bound together, as in a hog tie or when the right wrist is tied behind the person’s back to the left ankle and the left wrist in the same way to the right ankle.

Any device designed to be used to hog tie a person.

A kind of bondage that relies on psychological bondage rather than physical. Instead of using restraints or rope, the Submissive must hold a position through their own force or will. Often the Submissive is bound by the fear of punishment, or simply by the honor to serve.

Any hood designed to go over the head, to partly or completely cover the head and face.

Bondage furniture consisting of a plank supported by four legs, similar to a sawhorse, in which a person is bent over the horse, making them comfortable for flagellation.

A whip or flogger consisting of horsehair from a horse’s mane or tail, used as a lash. Fashioned after an African Fly Whisk which can be made of horse or zebra hair, often used by African nobility.

The female participant in a sexual act that involves a male sharing his female partner with other males. Sometimes refers to the wife of a male shared with other males. See also, Stag, Bull, Cuck and cuckoldry

Refers to a name, or a prefix to a name, of a BDSM family, usually consisting of one Dominant and two or more Submissives. For example: the House of Master Aryn

A Submissive who acts much like a housewife, but is considered the property of the Dominant. Usually refers to a Submissive whose duties include household chores. Often (s)he must perform these duties while nude. House slaves are often referred to as House Boy or House Girl. Many Submissives who identify themselves as house slaves report a sense of fulfillment and purpose, feeling sexually charged with each given household chore or task.

Meaning human-cow, a form of animal role play in which a female takes on the role of cow, with the focus on milking her breast using breast-feeding pumps or udder machines, (electric milking machines meant for cows). Considered a form of nipple torture. Not to be confused with the term Milking which usually refers to the male prostate.

A Hobble Stock implement, consisting of a testicle cuff-type device that clamps around the base of the scrotum, mounted in the center of a bar that passes behind the thighs at the base of the buttocks. This forces the wearer to keep his legs folded in such a way that if he were to straighten them, it would cause great discomfort and pain to his testicles.

Sexual arousal from being humiliated, or from activities that impose humiliation on another. There are many forms of humiliation play, such as verbal belittlement, insults, name calling, loss of empowerment, forced exhibitionism, and forced sexual acts that the Submissive views as embarrassing or shameful. Some forms of humiliation play include using humiliation as a tool to take a person to a state of mind where (s)he feels as though (s)he is giving him/herself completely to the moment or to the Dominant. It can be an intense psychological form of play that can easily be pushed to a level that is considered edgeplay; if the Dominant is not attentive and careful, the humiliations can sometimes cause lasting psychological injuries to the Submissive. Real attacks on a person’s self esteem or manipulations designed to break a person’s spirit should be considered abuse and not an appropriate practice of humiliation play.

A term started in the mid-1800s for a female Dominant skilled in humiliation play. The term is seldom used today, most likely because play involving a male Submissive and a female Dominant or Pro-Domme usually involves some humiliation play to one degree or another, and the female is assumed to have skills in humiliation. Therefore, the term Dominatrix is used far more often than Humiliatrix.

Any sort of play to which humor is a part or result of the play, such as tickling until a Submissive laughs out loud.

 

I

Any activity that involves an impact, such striking, hitting, flogging, whipping, etc.

A practice in which a person is bound and penetrated with a dildo, usually attached to the end of a rod or pole.

Refers to BDSM scene as a whole. See BDSM COMMUNITY. Also refers to the adult entertainment industry, especially BDSM pornography.

A type of role-play in which a person takes on the role of an infant child known as an Adult Baby.

in the context of BDSM, a term for chastity piercing, often on men. The actual definition of infibulation is the surgical modification of the male or female genitals for the purpose of chastity. Throughout history, many cultures and religions have adapted some form or another of infibulation with great controversy. In males, it can range from suturing the foreskin over the head of the penis to complete removal of the penis. In females, it includes the practice of cutting the clitoris and labia, which is intended to remove any chance of sexual enjoyment, and then stitching together the edges of the vulva to prevent sexual intercourse. Most people outside of certain religious sects view the practice of mutilating the genitals for the purposes of imposed chastity as barbaric and inhumane. Infibulation practices in BDSM should be temporary and safe.

An unsafe practice involving injecting saline solution into the scrotum of a male to enlarge it and cause discomfort. Less common forms of inflation practices include injecting the saline into other parts of the body, which is considered to be less dangerous yet still risky.

Permission granted with the knowledge of the possible consequences. Consent cannot be considered valid unless the person giving consent has complete knowledge of possible risks and benefits of what they are giving consent to. This includes consensual non-consent relationships. Any BDSM activity that does not disclose all circumstances before permission is given is not considered consensual.

A piece of bondage furniture to which a person is bound, consisting of a flat table that is suspended between supports on a pivot, so that the person can be inverted upside down. The person is then flogged or sometimes brought to orgasm. As blood flows to the brain from being held upside down, it can intensify these activities. This can also be dangerous, as it could cause the bound person to lose consciousness. Inversion tables are sold for exercise purposes, and can easily be converted to bondage furniture.

A hood designed to isolate a person, rendering them unable to see or hear, used for sensory deprivation.

 

J

An experienced Submissive who is no longer open to training or direction from a Dominant. A Submissvie who feels that he/she is experienced and therefore no longer wishes to learn from his/her new Dominant. Usually refers to a Submissives who enters into a D/s relationship with preconceptions of how the Dominant should behave based on teachings by a previous Dominant in a previous relationship.

Any bondage that involves an intricate means to bind a person. Usually refers to Shibari rope bondage.

Erroneous name for a Sjambok. The often incorrect spelling of Sjambok

a slang term for the moments just before an orgasm. The fast vigorous strokes before a male ejaculates. The moments before an orgasm can be very intense for both partners making it difficult to register or measure pain. For those who play during sex, care should be taken not to cause serious injury during Jato. The term Jato originates as an acronym in aviation, meaning Jet Assisted Take Off. The term is also sometimes used to describe the sudden burst of added thrust a jet engine generates while using it’s after burners.

K

A term for a female slave, for those who practice Gorean D/s. The letter K is seen as a mark of a slave.

A term for a male slave, for those who practice Gorean D/s. The male equivalent of Kajira. A male slave to a free female Dominant in Gorean D/s

A Shibari technique that involves weaving the hair with rope to hold the head immobile.

A rope harness that is tied around the torso in a series of diamond-shaped patterns. A karada does not restrain the person, but creates ideal anchor points for restraining. A part of Shibari.

Puppy play in which a person is confined to a kennel or doghouse, or locked out in a backyard.

Involving or given to unusual sexual behavior. Sexual desires and/or behaviors that exceed conventional sexual practices, as a means of accentuating the intimacy between sexual partners. Kink is sometimes used to describe all BDSM activities, and the BDSM subculture

A person who has kinks, given to unusual sexual behavior. A person who identifies themselves as a part of the BDSM sub-culture scene.

A form of animalism play in which a person, most often a Submissive, takes on the role of a cat.

Refers to any person, establishment or company that is sympathetic to kinky people.

as a whole.

A person who identifies him/herself as kinky or apart of the BDSM sub-culture scene. It is also a term used for someone who is kinky, yet does not necessarily identify themselves as either Dominant, Submissive or Switch.

Also known as the dreaded Koosh flogger, a flogger made with the same type of rubber strings used to ,ale a child’s toy manufactured by the Hasbro Co called a Koosh ball, the rubber strings in the koosh flogger are much longer. THis Divice administers a distinct pinpointed stringing pain, considered way more painful than the other floggers.

A stock on a short frame designed to restrain a person in the kneeling position.

Any activity or play involving a knife. Usually done for show or for a phycological effect, sometimes to achieve fear in a submissive. Knife play is also sometimes done for the purpose of cutting the skin or scarring. All knife play is considered edgeplay and is therefore dangerous.

A type of whip with multiple lashes made of twisted wire and usually knotted to cause extra pain. Sometimes the term knout is used for a Cat O’ Nine Tails.

L

A practice of taking corsetry to the extreme, tying a corset extremely tight, much tighter than usual, for the purposes of body modification. Lacing also refers to any style of bondage that involves many fixed points, as to restrain in a lacing design or fashion. The term Lacing may also refer to the uncommon specific type of bondage where a part of the body is affixed to an object by way of a suture; this practice is rare and considered dangerous.

A piece of bondage furniture, specifically designed for lacing, consisting of a flat table and eye hooks. A person can be restrained with rope that passes through the eye hooks in a crisscross direction, in the same fashion as the lacing of a corset.

A piece of bondage furniture that is much like an A-frame ladder, to which a person is bound for easy flagellation.

Originally a title for a female Submissive, usually as a prefix to a name. To date an increasing number of people are using the term as a prefix to a name of a Switch or a Domme. Using the term Lady as a prefix for a name of a Submissive or a Domme are both considered correct.

A simplistic knot consisting of a single collapsing loop which can easily be released. A Lark’s Head Knot should never be used by itself as it collapses and can cut off circulation. However, the knot is very useful as the first step in the creation to other kinds of knots such as a Lark’s Head Column Tie, which is often referred to simply as a Lark’s Head Tie.

A simplistic knot involving reverse tension that cannot collapse. It is considered one of the safest ties in BDSM because it can bind without tightening on itself, preventing circulation problems.

Any long, flexible material used to strike a person. A lash is another name for the falls of a flogger or the striking end of a single-tail whip.

A synthetic product resembling rubber, consisting of a water emulsion of polymer particles, used as fabric in fetish wear.   Latex garments are often maintained with a lubricant that gives the latex sheen. The feeling of rubber, as well as the texture of the lubricant, can feed the eroticism of a latex or rubber fetish.

The fetishistic attraction to people wearing latex or PVC clothing; in some cases, to the actual garments themselves. Often referred to as a rubber fetish.

A term for a condition where a person has received repeated deep bruises, causing the area to become desensitized or to have less sensitivity. Some players have even reported they feel a difference in how the skin feels over time after repeated impact play and that they bruise less after. However, many in the medical profession believe that such an occurrence cannot take place. More likely, a person who receives deep bruising has merely become mentally accustomed to rough play. Doctors state that unless the area has been subject to repeated friction, the skin has no way of creating any sort of callus on the area. Callused skin refers to the top layers of skin and has little to do with deep bruising. Bruising takes place as a result of ruptured capillaries. The human body can not simply condition itself to not rupture blood vessels. Many factors go into why a person bruises easily, from intensity of the strikes to diet. Illness as well as some medications to include blood thinners, may also have an effect on how much or often a body bruises as a result of impact trauma. Some Doctors speculate that through nutrition, the body may increase its ability to repair, limiting duration and intensity of the bruising. In short, the human body does not become immune or accustomed to beatings. Which would mean that the term Leather Butt or Subskin is most likely a mental state rather than a physical one. The term is used in the BDSM community quite frequently, sometimes giving the notion that a person can simply train him or herself to not bruise as easily. However, according to medical professionals, this is not accurate. It should also be noted that if a person feels that an area of the body has been actually desensitized, or if any numbness or tingling occurs as a result of impact trauma, this could be a sign of nerve damage or a more serious medical condition. The term Leather Butt is also used as a name for someone who can take a very rough beating.

A set of cuffs made to fasten around the ankles of a person, usually with a chain of about 14 inches between. Leg irons are designed to allow a person to walk, but only in a slow, shuffling manner, making it impossible to run at full stride.

A type of punishment whip used for striking. It is a modified version of the Signal Whip, in which the end of the whip remains unbraided, finished with a small Turk’s Head knot. Its name is believed to have come from the villainous character Simon Legree in the novel Uncle Tom’s Cabin. Signal Whips and Legree Whips do not have a fall.

An acronym for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender people. A blanket term used to describe all who consider themselves homosexual.

A person who behaves without moral principles or a sense of responsibility in sexual matters; a person who rejects accepted opinions in matters of sex and religion; a freethinker.

A loose term for a BDSM subculture or community. Pertaining to persons involved in BDSM practices. The alternative lifestyle that is BDSM.

A term for those who engage in BDSM often and consider themselves an ongoing active participant in BDSM play, BDSM performance and/or a member of the BDSM community. Also a term for those engaged in BDSM continuous role-play.

A boundary that a Submissive may set forth for a Dominant to follow. Limits are often defined as either a soft limit or a hard limit. A soft limit is often seen as a limit that the Submissive deems flexible and that may change over time. A hard limit is a limit that may never be crossed under any circumstances. Often, confusion between soft limits and hard limits ensue. BDSM is supposed to offer a safe and controlled environment in which a person can test his/her limits and boundaries. A safe approach to this is for a Dominant to never cross any limit set forth by a Submissive, either hard or soft, without permission from the Submissive. It should be very clearly stated exactly what is considered a soft limit or hard limit. A Dominant should always be respectful of all limits, respect being the key.

One who takes the role of younger person in age play, the Submissive.

A title for a male Dominant. Often used for the Dominant’s title when the title Lady is used to describe the Submissive in the relationship.

Any device used for impact play by laying the device on the skin, pulling back one end of the device, and then releasing it to snap the skin, causing stinging pain. For example: a credit card, rubber band, wooden tongue depressor, or plastic spoon.

A slippery, liquid substance used to lessen friction during sexual penetration. Also a term used for the substance that is put on latex fetish wear. Some non-water-based lubricants are not meant to be used with latex and can weaken a latex condom.

A specific type of whip originally designed to strike a horse. It consists of a long, flexible shaft with a single long lash. Similar to a buggy whip that has a short single lash.

M

In the confines of a D/s relationship, a practice of a Dominant spanking or giving corporal punishment to a Submissive without merit of any wrong doing on the part of the Submissive and/or to cover any infraction that might have been missed during a particular time. The act is meant as a reminder of the relationship, served as maintenance to the mental well being of the participants and their relationship.

A generic term for any metal cuff joined by a metal chain. A device for confining the hands, usually referring to a set of two rings that are joined together, or to a structure with a metal chain.

Also known as a fouet d’enfant; a short, scourge-like whip consisting of a wooden handle of about 10 inches and about ten lashes of equal or shorter length. The lashes are usually made of leather, but sometimes soap-stiffened cords are used instead. It was the traditional implement for corporal punishment in France, usually for flogging children. In England, for many years the term Martinet was used as the title of the person administering the corporal punishment rather than to describe the whip itself.

A thick, heavy leather belt, sometimes a weight-lifting belt, placed on a standing Submissive for the purpose of protecting the kidneys or other vital organs during a heavy flogging or caning. While standing or leaning against flagellation furniture, sometimes a Submissive will flinch or tighten up at the whisking sound of an approaching cane or flogger. This slight movement can shift the intended target greatly. There is no shame for even the most skilled Dominant to use a masking belt for added safety.

The tendency to derive pleasure and sexual gratification from one’s own pain or humiliation; the enjoyment of what appears to be painful. Not to be confused with sadism, which is to derive the same pleasure from administering pain or humiliation to another. The context of the pain is important to the masochist, usually connected in some way to a sexual experience or simply to the fantasy of being abused or dominated. The term Masochism was coined in 1886 by psychiatrist Richard Freiherr von Krafft-Ebing. He named the term after the writer Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, an active Submissive, who was known for his writings, in particular “Venus in Furs”, a story about his exploits as a slave with his Mistress.

One who engages in masochism.

a male Dominant, usually in a total power exchange relationship with a Submissive. The title of the person assuming the role of owner in slave-play. Loosely, any male who takes on the role of Dominant in a BDSM activity. A prefix title announcing one’s sexual preference for the role of a Dominant. The term can also refer to gaining great skill or proficiency as a Dom in the context of Mastery.

A BDSM relationship in which one person assumes the role of Master while the other/s assume the role of slave. Also refers to a total power exchange relationship.

Any act that involves the use of medical instruments and/or role-play scenarios centered on humiliation in medical situations.

One who teaches another in matters of BDSM. Usually an experienced Dominant helping a newbie Dominant learn the aspects of BDSM, focusing on safety.

A term for nymphomania, or someone with a strong, promiscuous sexual appetite.

A form of role-play involving military attire, protocols, and hierarchical structure. A BDSM role-play power exchange between a person taking on the role of a superior rank and that of a person taking on the role of a lesser rank.

The practice of inducing orgasm in a male repeatedly until he is no longer able to produce ejaculate. See related DRY HEAVES. Stimulating a male’s prostate by way of the anus with either a finger or dildo for a long enough time to produce ejaculation without orgasm. Also a term for a male orgasm that has been intensified by stimulation of the prostate. The prostate is an essential component in a male orgasm. Sometimes, the stimulation of the man’s prostate makes it impossible for him to prolong orgasm or keep an erection.

A female Dominant, usually in a total power exchange relationship with a Submissive. The female equivalent of Master. Loosely, any female who takes on the role of Dominant in a BDSM activity. A prefix title announcing one’s sexual preference for the role of Dominant. In the vanilla world, the term mistress can sometimes refer to a woman having an extramarital sexual relationship with a married man.

A female Dominant with mother- or mommy-like qualities. A Mommy is considered stern, yet is also nurturing and loving. The term Mommy can, but does not always, refer to a title or role taken in age play.

A specific type of flogger, usually about three to four lashes made of rope with heavy monkey fist knots at the ends. A monkey fist is a type of knot that is tied in such a way as to make a heavy ball, used to throw lines of rope over poles for rigging. A monkey fist flogger can be dangerous if vigorously used, as the tips of the flogger are heavy enough to cause severe bruising or internal bleeding.

The practice or state of being married to one person at a time; the practice or state of having only one sexual relationship with only one partner. The opposite of polyamory.

Any style of gag that has a bit attached, meant to be placed between the teeth and secured with a buckle or clasp. Mouth bits often resemble a horse bit, and are often used in pony play.

Any of the many different types of dental instruments designed to keep the mouth open for medical procedures. These items are sometimes used in BDSM and are often found for sale in BDSM adult toy stores.

A type of bondage in which a person is immobilized by being wrapped tightly with a material such as fabric, latex, tape, or Saran Wrap

A gathering (usually a dinner party at a house or a public restaurant) of people who are interested in BDSM for the purpose of meeting like-minded people to freely discuss BDSM topics. Unlike a play party, a munch seldom includes overt BDSM activities, as it is meant to be a casual affair in a low-pressure atmosphere.

A gag with a flat panel on the front that goes directly over the wearer’s mouth and is secured by straps. Muzzle gags are often attached to a head harness.

N

The practice in which a Dominant chooses a name for his/her Submissive to symbolize the transformation the Submissive may go through to serve the Dominant. Often the name given becomes the Submissive’s scene name or alias.

An activity in which needles pierce the upper dermis of a person’s skin. Often these needles are placed in elaborate designs, sometimes adorned with ribbon, body paint, feathers, and flowers. Needle play has grown in popularity in recent years. Blood is almost always a part of this sort of play, which is why it is considered edgeplay.   See related BLOOD PLAY.   The piercings of the needles are not permanent and the items are removed after the play scene.

The term for the action in which a Submissive involuntarily jerks back his/her head in response to a forceful strike, which can cause neck injuries similar to whiplash.

A newcomer to BDSM. Sometimes the term is used as a derogatory term, as though one’s worth is measured by BDSM experience and popularity. This often creates an unhealthy atmosphere for all involved, and makes the newbie’s journey to a true spiritual knowledge of BDSM next to impossible.

a BDSM community starting in the late 1980s, which abandoned many of the strict protocols of the old leather BDSM community. The new leather communities welcomed heterosexuals, women, and lesbians who were interested in BDSM.

Any clamp that is designed to clamp onto the nipple. Clover clamps and tweezer clamps are the most popular nipple clamps.

Any tape, usually electrical tape, placed on the nipples; often worn in fetish clubs during play as a way for a female to expose her breasts and still adhere to certain censorship regulations.

A person who believes in and lives the lifestyle of Nomaretism.

A type of 24-7 BDSM philosophy and lifestyle called Nomaret. Taken from the Greek root word “nom-” (nomos) meaning arrangement, law, order, and the Greek root word “aret-” (arete) meaning virtue. Those who live the Nomaret lifestyle call themselves Nomaretines or Nomarets. Nomaretism is based on the philosophy that sadomasochistic power exchange relationships between a Dominant and Submissive are natural, innate in all living creatures and should not be considered perverse, kinky or indecent. Instead, Nomarets believe that what is considered normal in most modern societies regarding vanilla sex and marriage is the true perversion from what is natural. Nomarets practice polygamy (polyfidelity), or group marriages, usually based on three bisexual partners, all living together, all sexually exclusive with one another. These polyfidelitious marriages are founded on consensual Master/Slave TPE relationships. This Dominant / Submissive relationship is at the core of the Nomaret belief system. Being either naturally dominant or naturally submissive is called the “Inherent Condition.” The Nomaret ideology is that certain sadomasochistic practices are virtuous and should be held in a high moral regard.

A BDSM activity that is not sanctioned by either party. Such activities are not considered BDSM, and are instead regarded as assault, abuse, rape, maltreatment, or some other deplorable action.

A set of hooks, about an inch long, inserted into a person’s nostrils. The hooks are usually attached to a string or chain. When pulled, it forces the person’s head up. This is sometimes held into place, then making it a form of bondage.

A Japanese form of BDSM that often involves nose hooks.

A technique where a person, usually female, massages another person by way of using her entire body to rub against the other person while both parties are completely nude, usually with a massage oil called Nuru Gel, which is made from the leaves of the brown seaweed plant. Most often Nuru Massages are finished with a sexual act. This practice is a well known massage practice associated with prostitution, a favorite in many massage polars around the world.

The use of the human body, typically female and usually nude, to present sushi and/or sashimi for the consumption of others. Using the body as a platter for food.

O

Code word for BDSM or slave play, originating from an erotic novel published in 1954 called Story of O, written by Anne Desclos under the pen name Pauline Reage, about a young woman’s descent into submission and slave training.

Rings used in rigging or bondage. An O-ring is shaped like an O, and a D-ring is shaped like a D.

Sexual arousal from being dehumanized or the act of dehumanizing another. Making someone nothing more than a sex object or nothing more than an object such as a sex toy.

A term for a female slave in an Ottoman Imperial Harem. She was an assistant to the concubines and wives, and could rise in status to become one of them.

related to the gay male BDSM communities that began sometime shortly after World War II, characterized by a very structured hierarchy with elaborate codes of conduct and protocol.

A bondage technique that binds one part of the body to an object.

A common occurrence in which a Submissive, usually female, falsely declares a recently ended BDSM relationship, usually a 24/7 TPE relationship, to have been either physically and/or mentally abusive when no actual abuse took place. This is frequently due to her feelings of shame or embarrassment about the role she chose to take with a Dom/Top whom she no longer has romantic feelings for. This is sometimes a conscious occurrence, usually followed by a Submissive slandering the name of the Dominant. Other times, the Submissive may be unaware that she is re-writing history as an ego defense mechanism. When taking the role of a Submissive, she chooses to give up some measure of control. This puts her in an extremely vulnerable headspace. After the relationship ends, and she no longer has feelings for her former Dominant, she may feel the need to protect her sense of self-worth. A cognitive dissonance may occur in which she deludes herself into thinking that she was coerced into the role and activities she took part in during the relationship. Also, she may feel a new found sense of freedom, with which she then looks back on the entire BDSM relationship seeing it as oppressive, even though she once elected to live such a lifestyle to suite her own needs and sexual desires.
Psychologists believe that all relationships end with at least some sort of revisionism. We often handle the loss of intimate bonds by fixating on the bad while glossing over the good. Our brains can hone in on our skills of rationalization, in order to reaffirm our moral integrity and protect our feelings of global self-worth. When a relationship is fresh and going well, we tend to admire things that we would not normally admire if not for the other partner’s interest in such things. After the relationship turns sour, we tend to feel as though we were being oppressed, when in reality we chose to admire such things at the time. When relationships end, we tend to blame the other party for what we gave or gave up during the relationship. This frequently happens in BDSM relationships as well. A Submissive may dodge any responsibility for the role she took in the relationship by blaming the Dominant for being too controlling, when in actuality she made the decision to surrender this control. When a Submissive declares non-consensual abuse when no real abuse has occurred, and such declarations become defamation designed to harm the reputation of the Dominant, she herself dishes out a form of abuse. This form of abuse is more often over looked in BDSM circles, most likely because physical and mental abuse towards Submissives at large, seems to be a greater ongoing problem.

A description of a person’s pain intensity, with ten being the highest level of pain. A way to describe the intensity of contact (negotiated before a scene) that a Submissive is willing to accept. Also refers to the way a person is feeling during or directly after a scene, used to describe any pain. Hospitals use a similar system as a way for patients to tell doctors how intense their pain is, with ten being the highest level of pain.

A specific type of submission in which the Submissive satisfies the Dominant with oral sex, but is not permitted to have any other sexual relations with the Dominant.

The practice of controlling when someone can or cannot have an orgasm.

A sexual act or acts with multiple people. Sex with more than three people. A sex party.

Any consensual activity whereby a person is ordered to engage in sex with someone of the same sex. Usually the concept of forcing a person who sees him/herself as straight to have gay sex for the purposes of BDSM humiliation play

The act of expelling a person from a BDSM event. Sometimes used erroneously to mean Outing.

The act of disclosing a person’s interest in or involvemnet with BDSM to someone outside of the BDSM world without the person’s consent. To disclose a person’s sexual behavior, sexual preference, or sexual identity without the person’s consent. Outing a person is considered a major breach in BDSM etiquette and can be considered a form of BDSM ABUSE.

A style of spanking in which a Dominant turns a Submissive over his/her knee, in order to spank the buttocks of the Submissive. A popular technique, once the Submissive is in position, is for the Dominant to lock his/her leg over the legs of the Submissive, which keeps him/her from squirming during the spanking.

Another term for Master.

A title for someone who assumes the role of Owner in a Master/slave relationship.

A verb that describes a person that assumes the role of a slave in a Master/slave relationship.

Referring to a Master who owns a Submissive as a slave, and/or sex slave, usually in the context of an ongoing 24/7 TPE relationship.

P

Any flat shaped, hard implement with a handle, used for striking a person on the buttocks or other fleshy areas of the body. Paddles come in all shapes and sizes, and can be made from many different kinds of materials, including leather, wood, nylon, and even Plexiglas. Some paddles are covered in fur on one side to change up the sensations during play. Historically, the spanking paddle may have been created for the punishment of slaves, as a way of causing intense pain without doing any permanent damage to the recipient. Throughout history, all over the world, there have been documented cases of paddling slaves as a form of punishment for misconduct. In U.S. history, the Paddle was often used in schools to discipline students. Some U.S. States still have the use of the paddle in their schools.

A very broad term for any activity in which one person inflicts pain on another.

A title for a person who enjoys receiving large amounts of pain play.

Since an episode on the television series Star Trek, the term Pain Stick sometimes refers to a Cattle Prod, which resembles a Klingon Pain Stick in the series. The term Pain Stick was originally another name for an Evil Stick.

An orgasm that is achieved solely through painful stimulation. Very rare and difficult to achieve.

A type of carabiner used in rope bondage or suspension, designed in such a way that the mechanism can release an attached rope or chain quickly and easily, even with full tension applied. In the vanilla world, it is sold for equestrian purposes. If a horse should rear up in a panic, putting full tension on the lead, a simple reverse tension move of the mechanism releases the lead from the horse. This makes it a perfect safety item for BDSM bondage.

A person who is sexually inclusive, not limited or inhibited in sexual choice with regard to gender or activity. A term that describes a person’s sexual preference for being charged by erotic activities with partners of both sexes, but not necessarily defined as bisexual.

A device designed to be wrapped around the scrotum, where weights can be suspended from it, which pulls and stretches the scrotum, causing pain.

The biomedical term used to describe sexual arousal towards objects, situations, or individuals that are not part of what is considered to be normal stimulation, and which cause distress to the individual or potential harm to another. When a person has a perversion that is psychologically or physically harmful to themselves and/or others, it is considered to be a sexual disorder known as a paraphilia. This can be confusing because in the vanilla world, a paraphilia, a perversion, and a fetish are essentially the same thing. However, in the BDSM world, a paraphilia is the contrast to a healthy perversion, often referred to as a fetish. In other words, often in the BDSM realm, a healthy perversion is referred to as a fetish, while an unhealthy perversion is referred to as a paraphilia.

A device used to electrically stimulate muscle contraction. In the BDSM world it is used to bring about sexual gratification. Bringing someone to orgasm with PES devices.

A term for a male who enjoys having his anus penetrated. Also a term for a male that is preparing himself for anal sex by way of inserting a dildo or butt plug into his anus and keeping it there for a prolonged period of time. The term originated sometime in the 1700s, in reference to a young male sailor in the British Navy or aboard a pirated ship, designated to sit on a smooth wooden peg to keep his anus loose for penetration by other sailors.

A sexual practice in which a female penetrates a man’s anus with a strap-on dildo. Often, the strap-on will have a vibrator to stimulate the female, and the act continues until she has been brought to orgasm.

Any form of play that involves striking with a blunt heavy implement.

Refers to the belief that when a person plays in front of a crowd, it is impossible to have the exact same mindset or experience one would have while playing in private. Similar to the idea that people can never truly be themselves with the knowledge that there is a camera there to record it. Playing in public often has voyeuristic aspects, and can add a level of eroticism to the play. Knowing that peers are watching can sometimes allow a Submissive to take more pain than (s)he could in private. This can be a good thing and sometimes a bad thing, as a Submissive may also hesitate to use a safeword, in fear of the judgment of peers. Sometimes, public play causes a Dominant to worry more about his flashy flogging technique than the safety and well-being of his Submissive.   It should be noted that playing in public in front of strangers does indeed bring about a different BDSM experience, sometimes better and sometimes worse than that of playing only in front of intimate partners.

The philosophy that a submissive is responsible for accepting or rejecting certain risky BDSM behaviors or activities that they engage in, as well as being willing to accept the outcome of their decision. It is meant to be an extension of RACK philosophy.

A term originally coined by David Stein to describe ordinary, non-sexual objects, such as everyday household items, that can be used for BDSM activities.

A title for a role taken by a person who engages in animal role-play in which the Submissive is to be trained and treated like a pet.  Also a term for a Submissive who enjoys dressing like an animal, such as a kitten, and takes on certain characteristics of such animal, yet does not necessarily consider themselves an Animal Role-player. The title also refers to a Submissive held in a lesser regard than other Submissives or Slaves in a BDSM relationship. A Submissive play partner, usually temporary.

A formal request either verbally or written, in which a potential Submissive petitions her service in a D/s relationship to a Dominant. A formal request for a BDSM relationship in which a Submissive declares his/her loyalty and service to a Dominant, sometimes including outlines and boundaries for the pending relationship. Similar to a BDSM contract. Also refers to the written request from a Dominant to another Dominant or Protector of a Submissive, to engage in D/s play or a relationship with said Submissive.

A form of body worship in which a person worships the male genitalia.

A bed with a stock built into the headboard and/or footboard, to restrain a person in the bed.

any consensual activity, scene, and/or sexual act within the confines of BDSM. Though such BDSM activities are often engaged in for serious or practical purposes, they are still considered to be for enjoyment. In acknowledgement of the recreational aspect of the act, such activities are defined as play.

Any music played during a play scene to intensify the mood. Often helps a Submissive relax and aids in reaching subspace.

A gathering of people who are interested in BDSM activities, either to watch or to participate, usually taking place in a dungeon or play room. Play parties usually set up an outline of the night’s events, including whether or not edgeplay, full nudity, or overtly sexual activities will take place.

Any piercing of the body for the enjoyment of the piercing. Usually the piercing is temporary.

The practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate, sexual relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. The consensual opposite of monogamy. The term comes from the Greek word “poly” meaning “many”, and the Latin word “amor” meaning “love”.

A Polyamorous M/s relationship involving one male or female Dominant with multiple female slaves.

A Polyamorous M/s relationship involving one male or female Dominant with multiple male slaves.

the practice or custom of having more than one wife or husband at the same time. A polyamorous-type marriage. When a man is married to more than one wife at a time, but there is no marriage bond between the two wives in a sexual context, it is called polygyny. In a polygynous marriage, the wives are often called sister wives, and they each have a sexually intimate relationship only with the husband. The same dynamic makeup, but between a woman and more than one husband, is called polyandry. When all parties married are sexually active with one another, it is called a group marriage or polyfidelity.   There are several different types of group marriages that practice BDSM 24/7.  The different types of polygamist marriages are seldom defined in Western culture outside of the BDSM world, and polygamy is often used as a blanket term.

A form of animalism play in which a person, most often a Submissive, takes on the role of a pony or horse. The play involves walking on all fours, sometimes with a bit and saddle, pulling carts, wearing blinders, and sometimes wearing a butt plug with a horse tail attached. Not to be confused with Wooden Pony which is something completely different.

Another term for a cracker at the end of a whip.   Also, a slang term for the various alkyl nitrite inhalant drugs, such as Locker Room or Rush. When these drugs in liquid form are inhaled, they increase blood pressure so that blood rushes to the head quickly, causing a person to feel a rapid warm sensation and dizziness. These drugs have been used to heighten sexual intercourse as well as used to ease initial pain during penetration of the anus. Though poppers have a lower risk of harm to an individual than other recreational drugs, some cases have shown that serious adverse effects have occurred. Such drugs should be considered dangerous. Alkyl nitrite inhalants can cause adverse effects on a person’s vision as well as effects on the heart. If such liquids are ingested, it could prove fatal.

A type of exceptionally high collar, usually made of leather, which limits the mobility of the wearer’s neck, holding his/her head up high.

Any situation where two or more people consensually agree to a relationship in which one has power over another.

A type of bondage in which a person is bound in an awkward, inconvenient way, as to set out a challenge for the bound person to overcome. Sometimes, just relaxing and accepting the uncomfortable positioning can be challenge enough.

An acronym for Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink.

A specific type of group marriage (polyfidelity), usually referring to a marriage of three or more people engaged in a committed BDSM 24/7 TPE relationship, consisting of one husband and multiple bisexual wives, all of whom are sexually active with one another, exclusively.   Also, a marriage consisting of three or more homosexual males, in which one husband is a Dominant while the rest are Submissives, is also called a pride family. The term Pride may also refer to Gay Pride.

A title for a person who wishes to identify themselves in the kink realm as having instinctive, fundamental urges towards sex. The belief that submission and dominance is an instinctive natural process of human sexuality.  It is often used as a title for someone that wishes to be regarded as kinky, yet feels none of the title choices available quite fit their personality or role.

A strap similar to the original hog slapper. A long strip of thick leather usually connected to a wooden handle.

The male counterpart to a Pro-Domme. A Pro-Dom is rare, as there are not enough clientele willing to seek such services. The spelling PRO-DOM is sometimes used to reference a PRO-DOMME.

A female Dominant who charges a monetary fee for dominating her clients, sometimes involving many forms of BDSM, without engaging in actual sexual intercourse. Pro-Dommes usually work out of professional dungeons and/or their own homes. Though many BDSM activities take place during a Pro-Domme service that would be considered by some to be sexual in nature, it is not considered prostitution until actual sexual contact is made.

A term for the practice when a Dominant declares that he is protecting a person from harm, usually a Submissive, even though there is no actual Master/Submissive relationship taking place. Sometimes a Submissive declares that he/she is protecting another Submissive. The term is used to convey a buddy system encouraging safety while dating in a BDSM community.

A person who declares publicly that he is protecting a Submissive.

a determined set of rules that a Submissive must follow in a BDSM relationship or interaction, usually set forth by the Dominant. The term protocol is also sometimes used in the context of etiquette.

A sexual term referring to the ability to reach or achieve an orgasm without any physical stimulation to the genitals; an orgasm achieved through mental stimulation or fantasy only. Considered very rare and difficult to achieve.

A type of gag with a smooth phallus made of rubber captaining a bladder that can be inflated, filling the mouth and preventing the person from speaking. The gag is secured in place with leather straps around the wearer’s head. These devices can sometimes be dangerous, enlarging in a person’s throat and suffocating them.

The infliction or imposition of a penalty on a Submissive by a Dominant as retribution for an offense, in a consensual non-consent relationship.

Any form of bondage in which a person is bound in such a way as to feel pain or discomfort directly due to the bondage.

Sometimes referred to as the overseer’s whip; a type of single-tail whip 3 to 6 feet in length, comprised of tightly braided leather with a cracker at the business end. There is no rigid handle but it usually has a braided hanger or safety strap. It is very similar to the snake whip, only much smaller. It was commonly used by slave owners and foreman in U.S. history. Many argue that the term refers to all whips and that there is little if any difference between a punishment whip and a snake whip.

A consensual and respectful practice of gradually exceeding the soft limits of a Submissive. Pushing a Submissive’s limits can be psychologically dangerous, and one should use caution when doing so. Pushing limits, either physically or mentally, is also another term for edgeplay.

An abbreviation for poly-vinyl chloride. A tough, chemically resistant synthetic resin made of polymerizing vinyl chloride, creating a sheet material that is then used as a fabric in fetish wear. The terms PVC, vinyl, and PU tend to be used interchangeably by retailers of clothing made from shiny, plastic-coated fabrics. PVC is not as stretchy as latex.

Q

A practice in which a Dominant female sits on the face of a Submissive’s face, forcing him/her to perform oral sex and/or anilingus. The practice of face-sitting by a female Dominant.

A low stool, about 6 to 8 inches high, with a large round opening in the bottom, used for queening. Sometimes queening stools are made from a toilet seat affixed to four small legs.

A term used to define a person as homosexual. In the vanilla world, this is considered to be a derogatory term; however, in the BDSM world, it is increasingly being used as a prideful title or a statement of intent.

A very small, forked, stock leather whip, usually with two falls at the end. The quirt was originally used in horseback riding, or to goad cattle from horseback.

 

 

R

A form of role-play in which one person assumes the role of Master and another assumes the role of Submissive, in a setting where the participant’s race is relevant to the power exchange. Any play that gives focus to the racial makeup of the participants. Race Play is also a term used by Porn Sites to describe sex with people of different races or nationalities. Race Play may also refer to role-play evolving the wearing of uniforms of a particular hate group.

An acronym for Risk Aware Consensual Kink.

Any type of bondage furniture consisting of a platform to which a person is bound for flagellation. The term originally referred to an implement used for torture during the Dark Ages, designed to stretch and pull a person bound to it.

Any type of consensual role-play in which a person stages a mock rape for the purposes of sexual gratification of all people involved.

A flexible strap made of thick leather or canvas, used to sharpen and polish the blade of a straight razor or knife. Throughout its history, the razor strop has also been used for corporal punishment because of its thick leather and thudding strike.

A form of exhibition where a person poses indirectly for a photograph naked or engaged in a sexual act, reflected in a reflective object, such as a window or tea kettle.

Any role-play or BDSM activity involving religion. Usually Catholic-themed, with declarations of repenting sins and accepting punishment. Those who partake in such role-play have reported feelings of release and an actual cleansing of the spirit. It is compared to the self-flagellation acts performed by many monks and priests throughout history.

Any mutually consensual activity in which a person puts up a struggle while being overpowered by another.

A person who specializes and is very skilled in suspension bondage and other forms of rope bondage.

Oral sex involving stimulating the anus, or around the rim of the anus, with the tongue. Sometimes referred to as salad tossing.

A specific type of gag consisting of a ring that is placed in the mouth, keeping the mouth open, and attached with leather straps around the head.

a philosophy that certain risky BDSM activities or sexual behaviors are permissible, so long as the participants are fully aware of the risks. There is some controversy over this philosophy, as some view it in contrast to the Safe, Sane, and Consensual philosophy, where only activities that are considered safe, sane, and consensual are permitted.

Any task or series of actions performed by a submissive consistently on a day to day basis within the confines of a D/s relationship, set forth by the dominant as apart of their relationship Protocols. A protocol that is repeated at set times. Example, one of the submissive’s Protocols is to kneel before her Master each morning and recite her pledge to him. The term PROTOCOL and RITUAL are sometimes used as a synonym.

A code word for a dungeon, taken from a fictional place mentioned in the erotic novel Story of O by Pauline Reage.

Any activity in which people assume roles different from their own in a BDSM scene, and then act out scenarios. Some use role-play as general term to describe all BDSM activities.

Refers to the act of vomiting on another person for sexual gratification.

Any form of tie that binds the limbs of a person.

A rope tied around a person’s head and through the teeth.

A material used in many BDSM implements, said to be one of the more painful than other materials. For example, a rubber fall flogger produces a harsher and more painful strike than that of the standard leather flogger. The term Rubber also refers to a latex material used to make fetish clothing.

Any of the many varieties of whips in which the falls are made of rubber. The rubber flogger is said to produce a scratchy sting that feels like fire scraping across the skin and can be twice as painful as a rope flogger. Rubber floggers that are made of thick pieces of rubber, produce a harsh slapping type sting that is said to be more painful than Razor Strops. The Dreaded Koosh flogger is made of rubber strings and is said to be one of the most painful.

S

Referrs to a person who takes on the role of Submissive. A submissive type person. The opposite of a D-type person.

The tendency to derive pleasure and sexual gratification from inflicting pain, torment, suffering or humiliation on others. Not to be confused with masochism which is to derive the same pleasure from receiving pain and/or humiliation. It should be noted that in the BDSM world, sadism is frowned upon when it is not matched with masochism. In other words, deriving pleasure from inflicting pain should only come from the knowledge that the receiver of such pain is also drawing pleasure from the experience.

One who engages in Sadism.

A psychological tendency or sexual practice characterized by both sadism and masochism; a blanket term for pain play, or anything involving BDSM. The term originates from two authors on the subject: Leopold von Sacher-Masoch and the Marquis de Sade.

A person who engages in sadomasochism. A blanket term for anyone who has an interest in BDSM. The term is also sometimes used to describe a person who approaches BDSM as an art form or ads spiritualistic qualities to BDSM. A person who holds the philosophy that certain acts of dominance, such as using BDSM as a therapeutic tool whilst reaching a certain level of sexual euphoria, can be considered art. Much as some view Japanese Shibari bondage as an art form for its ritualistic approach to the journey of restraining a person, along with its aesthetic value, so too do some believe that sadomasochism, in general, can be seen as an art form when taking the same spiritual approach, along with its aesthetic value. In other words, some use the term Sadomasochist as a replacement for word for a BDSM artist.

An arranged set of circumstances in which a person has a friend call them at a specified time to check up on him/her when meeting someone new or unfamiliar for the purposes of a potential mate or play partner.

a code of conduct or philosophy that any BDSM act is acceptable and ethical, provided that it is safe, sane, and consensual. There is some controversy over this philosophy, as some view the term “safe” as too subjective and also because people often consensually engage in activities such as edgeplay.

The areas of the body that are fleshy or have layers of muscle, which can be struck safely during flagellation or caning. Areas where bones or vital organs are near the surface are not safe zones. Safe zones should be learned before a person takes a flogger or cane in hand.

a collection of items that focus on BDSM, kept nearby during a play scene for the purpose of supplying quick aid in the event of an emergency. Such items could include: 1. extra handcuff keys, 2. extra lock keys, 3. bolt cutters, 4. EMT Scissors, 5. disinfectant, 6. antiseptic, 7. bandages or gauze pads, 8. tape, 9. smelling salts, 10. Benadryl, 11. latex gloves, 12. condoms, 13. A pamphlet with CPR instructions, 15. aloe, 16. cell phone. Different activities dictate different safety items. Safety kits should be built according to the pending activity.

A predefined code word or series of code words that a Submissive may say to clearly communicate an emotional or physical state to the Dominant, most often used to immediately cease or pause any BDSM activity. In BDSM, resistance play and forced sex play are often part of a scene; hence, in BDSM, the word “no” does not always mean “no.” When safewords are put into practice, the Submissive has a way to maintain the use of “no” by saying aloud the predetermined safeword. This aids in keeping the act consensual. Safewords should be simple words or phrases that are easy to remember. Sometimes scenes can be so exhilarating and intense that even simple safewords can be forgotten. It remains the responsibility of the Dominant to ensure the Submissive’s safety by being attentive and not relying completely on safewords. Safewords can help with safety, but safewords do not guarantee safety.

The sexual practice or act in which a male penetrates another person, usually female, and a third person, a male or a female with a strap-on, penetrates the male. For example, a man has vaginal or anal sex with one partner while he is being anally penetrated by another, possibly with a strap-on.

Trade name for plastic wrap, used for bondage.

Breath-control play, by means of a scarf or necktie. Scarfing is also sometimes used as a title for the act of engaging in erotic asphyxiation.

A form of body modification that involves cutting the flesh of a person, and then treating it in such a way as to leave a permanent scar.

Any activity involving feces. Note: anilingus is not considered scatting until actual feces is involved.

The time period of a BDSM activity from when two people begin a BDSM activity to the time they stop. The term scene is also used to describe the many BDSM communities as a whole.

An alias name one calls him/herself in realms involving BDSM. In many circles it is considered proper etiquette to use scene names rather than real names while in a BDSM environment. Throughout history, those who have had an interest in BDSM activities have had to hide their interest from those who might scorn them for such interests. The common practice of choosing an alias to help conceal a person’s identity and interests from vanilla coworkers, children, and family members is still in use today and has become increasingly necessary with postings on the Internet.

A sexual position in which female partners interlock their legs, much like a pair of scissors, spreading their legs so that they can rub their genitalia together and stimulate each other’s clitoris. The sexual position is a practice called Tribadism.

A metal cage type mask, with an integrated metal muzzle gag that is worn on the head and locked into place. The original scold’s bridle, also known as “the branks,” was made of iron and primarily used on women as a form of torture and public humiliation. The gag was frequently studded with spikes so that if the wearer moved her tongue, it inflicted pain and made speech impossible. Wives who were seen as gossips, witches, shrews, and scolds were forced to wear the device in public.

A specific type of flogger that usually has two to three heavy leather lashes.

The practice of restraining one’s self, usually as a part of masturbation.

A type of single-tail whip consisting of a length of thin rope, knotted on the end, and then coated with wax or liquid rubber.

A psychological BDSM activity that involves the creation of unusual or strange sensations on a person. For example, the use of wax and ice together in a scene to cause physical sensations on a person’s skin.

Any practice intended to deprive a person of normal external stimuli such as sight and sound for the purposes of inciting fear, anxiety, and/or sexual arousal as a part of sensation play.

A person who prides themselves in the enjoyment of giving and receiving tender touch, concentrating on aesthetic, rather than the pain involved in BDSM activities.

A type of D/s centered on the act of being in complete service to the Dominant, usually involving practical tasks or many diminutive chores.

A person who serves a Submissive’s needs by dominating the Submissive, yet may not necessarily get any direct gratification from being dominant.

A BDSM scene. Usually a term used to indicate time spent with a Pro-Domme.

A hammock type seat designed so that a person can recline with legs spread apart, making it convenient for sexual intercourse.

A condition in which a person engages in sexual intercourse or sexual acts while still asleep and not cognitively aware of the action. It is related to sleepwalking or sleep apnea and is sometimes triggered by stress. Sexsomnia is also a term that is sometimes used in some BDSM circles for the act of having sex with a sleeping submissive who gave consent to the activity before falling asleep.

A pair of fetters connected together by chain, used to fasten the wrists or the ankles together.

Also known as Kinbaku, a type of bondage originating in Japan, involving extremely elaborate and intricate patterns of rope for the purposes of not only restraining a person, but also for the aesthetics of the bind. Japanese bondage is distinguished by its use of specific forms and appearance regulations. In particular, it is very much about how the rope is applied and specific pressures given to each bind. It is also important to note that Shibari takes the view that it is more about the journey or process of being tied up than the destination of being bound. Shibari is considered an art form.

A type of rope harness that is tied around the breasts. It does not restrict a person’s movements, but can provide constant stimulation as a person moves.

Also known as RETIFISM, a type of sexual expression centered on a fixation on shoes or the wearing of shoes.

A type of restraint originally made of wood, similar to a stock or portable pillory, in which the head and wrists can be bound in single file. Its shape is much like that of a violin, from which it gets its name. Historically, the Shrew’s Fiddle, also known as a “Halsgeige”, was originally used in the medieval time period to punish and torture unruly or quarrelsome women. Sometimes a small bell was attached to the end of the Fiddle to let townspeople know that the troublesome woman was nearing. Often a rope or chain was attached to the Fiddle so that she could be led around streets by an aggrieved husband in public view. She was then often birched or flogged whilst in the restraint. The Shrew’s Fiddle was intended to shame and embarrass the victim as well as cause discomfort with the positioning of her restrained arms. Some fiddles were constructed as to have two people bound to each other, facing each other, but in such a way that they could not touch each other. There was also a metal version that was commonly used on slaves, with combined shackles that bound the arms and neck in the same fashion as the wood version. Currently metal versions of the shrew’s fiddle are the most common replicas sold for BDSM use.

A type of small, single-tail whip, usually about 3 to 4 feet in length, made of leather or nylon. The signal whip has a flexible handle like a snake whip, only a signal whip has no fall before the cracker. The signal whip is braided straight to the cracker. The signal whip was originally used to make a loud crack noise signaling to dog teams. Without the fall it is much easier to crack, however, for bdsm purposes it is much more difficult to replace the cracker or to sanitize the whip.

Any whip with a single lash, such as stock whips, bullwhips, signal whips, snake whips, buggy whips, lunge whips, Legree whips and punishment whips. Single-tail whips can inflict serious injuries and can be dangerous in the hands of an inexperienced user. It requires skill and experience to use them properly. Single-tail whips are not always predictable and mistakes can happen even with the most experienced handlers, which is why use of single-tails is sometimes considered edgeplay.

A male Submissive who has engaged in or wishes to engage in feminization. A feminine boy Submissive. The term is also used to describe a transgender person, transexual or transvestite. Once considered a derogatory term, Sissy is now being embraced by many in the BDSM community.

A form of humiliation play; the practice of forcing the attire, activities, and behaviors of a female on a male Submissive. Such activities may include: forced cross dressing, forcing a male Submissive to insert and wear a tampon in his anus, or forcing a male Submissive to perform sexual acts with another male.

A female submissive to another female submissive in the confines of a BDSM family or house. A female comrade or female fellow submissive.

A specific type of heavy leather whip. It is the official punishment whip of South Africa, sometimes seen as synonymous with apartheid. It was traditionally made of hippopotamus or rhinoceros hide, but today it can commonly be found made of plastic or thick, dense rubber.

A leather strap used for striking, consisting of two pieces of leather bound together only at the base near the handle, in such a way that when a person is struck, both pieces slap together to create a loud slapping sound. The delayed hit is believed to make the strike more painful than that of a single piece of leather. The original purpose of a slapper was for use in controlling livestock, delivering a powerful strike while creating a loud sound to scare the animal.

A system in which people are treated as property. A willing Submissive who gives him/herself completely as property to a Dominant.

An event held at play parties in which Submissives are auctioned off to the highest bidder for a set period of time. Slave auctions are often held to raise money for BDSM groups or charities. Sometimes slave auctions take place as a means for polyamorous couples or families to gain a new lover.

Those who play as either a slave or as a slave owner. Sometimes referred to as fantasy role-play, in which elaborate scenarios are played out whereby people are sold into slavery and then kept as slaves.

A structured set of positions for a slave to hold during play, or to signify her compliance to pending play. There is no set guide book that must be used by all for the many different slave positions and they vary from person to person. Such positions are usually set forth by the Dominant or head of a particular house, for the Submissive and determined during collar training. Play involving the structured task of a Submissive presenting themselves to the Dominant by holding many predetermined positions is most common in Gorean D/s.

The way in which a slave presents his/herself to the Dominant before play, or when putting on the slave collar. Some Dominants allow the Submissive to take off a collar to shower, go to work or attend a family event. The Dominant may then insist that a Submissive presents his/herself to the Dominant in a predetermined way and receive a light spanking or flogging, each time the Submissive puts the collar back on. When the Submissive presents themselves to the Dominant, it signifies either that the play may resume, and/or that their devotion to the power exchange has been and is still in effect.

The sexual act of falling asleep after intercourse while keeping the penis still inside a partner’s vagina, ass or mouth. This is best achieved with couples sleeping in the fetal position. It is recommended that a lot of lubricant is used to prevent the orifice from drying during sleep, potentially tearing the skin. Some engage in this practice to achieve a welcomed form of Sleepsex.

A code word to signal to a Dominant during a BDSM activity that play should slow down or decrease. The slow word is the signal before the safeword. Slow words are thought by some to be topping from the bottom.

The practice of humiliating a male Submissive due to the size of his penis, usually labeling him inadequate.

A pungent substance sniffed as a restorative in cases of faintness or headache, consisting of ammonium carbonate mixed with perfume. When a Submissive holds his/her breath for too long while receiving pain play, it is always a possibility that the Submissive could faint. Having smelling salts around can be a quick way to revive a person.

A box designed to be locked over the head of a Submissive and used for queening. The smotherbox has a large opening that allows a Dominant to straddle the box and smother the Submissive’s face with genitalia.

A type of flexible single-tail whip with no firm handle. It has a lash or fall similar to a bullwhip that leads to a cracker.

The sexual practice in which a person performs oral sex on a man, and then places his semen into another man’s mouth, usually by way of a french kiss. This practice is sometimes used by a female Dominant to humiliate her male cuckold Submissive.

A disparaging term for a person who promotes socially progressive left wing views, primarily feminism, civil rights and multiculturalism, for self-serving purposes rather than actually trying to help a particular cause. People who attack others with conflicting views, considering those people to be inferior, by way of character assignation on the internet or word of mouth. The term is listed here because it is becoming more and more common in BDSM communities for some individuals to engage in a self-righteous crusades’ to seek out consent violations and seek to black list people from the community. Though it is encouraged for communities to police themselves from individuals who repeatedly abuse others, it is not a welcomed practice to make false accusations. Some Social Justice Warriors in the BDSM community have gone as far as Outing (Doxing) individuals they believe are not worthy of being apart of the BDSM community.

Sexual intercourse involving penetration of the anus. The term sodomy was derived form the Sodom and Gomorrah story from the book of Genesis in the Bible. It is considered a serious sin in many religions. Throughout history, many governments have had “sodomy laws” which criminalize such sexual practices. “Sodomy laws” are still in place in many states in the U.S. and anal sexual intercourse is still considered deviant sexual behavior by many societies.

A limit that can be cautiously crossed with expressed permission directly before the action. A Soft Limit is often called simply a Limit. Soft Limits or Limits are different from Hard Limits.

The act of having sexual intercourse with someone sleeping or pretending to be sleeping. When such arousal causes a person distress or there is potential harm to another, it is considered a paraphilia. In this case specifically, Somnophilia.

To strike a person, usually on the buttocks, with an open hand or with a spanking paddle.

A low piece of furniture, which a person is bent over and restrained for spanking or flagellation.

A skirt, often made of leather or latex, in which the buttocks of a person is exposed for flagellation.

A medical instrument used to dilate the vagina or anus to allow inspection. Often used in medical play or humiliation play.

A sexual act between three people in which a male person has sexual intercourse with two people that are bent over side by side one another. The male enters one partner briefly, then pulls out and quickly enters the other, repeating the process.

A specific type of paddle with a number of holes drilled in the oblong striking surface. The holes are designed to allow air to travel through, preventing any sort of air buildup between the paddle and the person being paddled. It makes for a heavier contact. These types of paddles were used in U.S. schools until recently. An American schoolteacher in the 1930s by the name of Harold Spencer is allegedly the inventor of this type of paddle. Though the implement might have been made popular by an American schoolteacher, illustrations from the early 1800’s depict slaves being beaten by a similarly shaped paddle with holes.

A specific type of ring gag, in which metal extensions are fitted from the ring strapped in the mouth to keep the mouth and lips open.

A three-way sex act in which a person performs oral sex on a male while being penetrated vaginally or anally by another male.

A sexual practice/fetish in which a person covers him/herself or another person with foods of different textures and temperatures. The practice focuses on covering a person’s exposed genitalia with the food, sometimes then eating the food while performing oral sex.

A position whereby a person is bound in such a way as to have his/her legs spread apart, while the arms are stretched over the head.

An adjustable implement consisting of a rigid rod or dowel, designed to attach to a person’s ankles, keeping the person’s legs spread apart.

A spreader bar with attached leg cuffs.

An unexpected feeling of sudden repulsion to a BDSM act or sexual act.

A popular type of bondage furniture consisting of an X-shaped cross that is affixed to a frame or to a wall, in which a person can be bound for the purposes of flagellation. It is also known as an X-frame in the U.S., and in Europe it sometimes called a diagonal cross.

a male who gains sexual gratification by allowing or encouraging his female partner to engage in sexual relationships with other males without the attachment of any sort of humiliation or degradation. A dominant male who supports his female partner in having sex with other dominant males. Originally a swinger term for the male half of a couple who swing or engage in sexual acts with other males. The term Stag is also sometimes used to describe any male in a sexual act involving multiple males and one female. Unlike a Cuckold, a Stag is a male who feels no shame or humiliation when his female partner has sex with other males.

Code word for a gang bang.

Any form of bondage involving the use of metal restraints.

Referring to the sensation of sharp quick pain from a strike; the comparison of pain to that of a scratching feeling. The feelings caused by being struck by a whip or flogger are usually described as either a thud or a sting.

A device or piece of furniture used for bondage, consisting of a two heavy planks, usually made of wood, which can close around a person’s neck and wrists, mounted to a base by a wooden pole. The pillory stock has been used throughout history for the purpose of punishment and as a form of humiliation. A portable stock that is not mounted to an affixed position is referred to as a yoke.

A single-tail whip in which the handle is separate from the lash.

A strong garment, usually made of thick canvas, with longer-than-arm length sleeves, that can be tied together behind the back to confine the arms of a person. Originally used to restrain violent mental patients.

An implement used for striking, consisting of a long, flat piece of heavy leather or other flexible material. The word strap also refers to any flexible material used for securing, usually with an attached buckle.

A dildo designed to be inserted in a person either vaginally or anally and then held in place by a harness.

A dildo attached to a harness, designed to be worn around the waist for the purpose of penetrating another person.

A specific type of bondage in which a person is bound with hands behind his/her back, then a rope is pulled tightly upward to an overhead fixture or pulley system, causing the person’s arms to lift upward and forcing the person to bend over. This is a physically demanding form of bondage and could be dangerous if done by inexperienced people.

A self defense weapon that administers a stream of high voltage electricity, meant to temporarily disrupt muscle functions and inflict pain without causing significant injury. However, like any electricity play, playing with Stun Guns can prove to be dangerous, particularly so with a Stun Gun because of the high voltage that the gun admits. It is possible to stop a person’s heart or disrupt body functions and cause permanent injury or death. It is advisable to never use a Stun Gun, a Cattle Prod, Taser, or any other device that admits high voltage electricity for the purposes of BDSM play. Despite the obvious dangers involved with this device, some choose to ignore the dangers and engage in BDSM type play using it. Hence why it is in the glossary. All dangerous BDSM activities or edge play have different levels of risk involved. Playing with a Stun Gun should be considered extremely high risk and discouraged.

The term for a process or state of mind that a Submissive, usually new to BDSM, goes through, in which he/she feels as though their thirst for Submissive experiences cannot be quenched. An obsessive behavior in which the submissive makes poor decisions or unwise choices, often resulting in serious harm.

The action and/or emotional embrace of accepting or yielding to the will or authority of a Dominant for the purposes of BDSM erotic play.

A title for a person who assumes the role of submission, submitting to the Dominant in a power exchange relationship. A person who surrenders physical and psychological control to a Dominant for the purposes of erotic play. The opposite of a Dominant.

A term for the condition or state of mind of a Submissive during a deeply involved play scene. Deep subspace is often characterized as a state of deep recession and incoherence. Some have described subspace as similar to the feeling one might have directly after an intense orgasm, or as having a feeling of intoxication and extreme well-being. Thought to be caused by the release of endorphins in the brain.

Any form of bondage in which a person is suspended off the floor with rope or chain. Suspension can also refer to suspension hooks.

A bar, similar to a spreader bar, used for suspension. Often, the person is bound to the bar, and the bar is then lifted into the air via a pulley system.

Any restraint for the wrists or ankles, designed in such a way as to distribute the wearer’s weight for suspension.

A rectangular upright frame designed for the purpose of suspension. Suspension cannot always be safely secured to a ceiling, in which case a suspension frame is ideal.

Suspension can be used as a general term for suspending a human body from hooks that have been put through the flesh. These piercings are temporary and are performed just prior to actual suspension. It can be very painful and dangerous if not done with a skilled and experienced rigger. During suspensions, some have reported extreme levels of subspace, as well as reports of out-of-body experiences. Historically, suspension rituals were performed by some Native American tribes (the Mandan tribe in particular) who used suspension as a rite of passage for young men about to enter adulthood. Today, the practice may be found at many fetish events, as a practice to experience as well as a form of performance art.

A thick steel hook designed to pierce a person’s flesh, used in hook suspension.

The practice of suturing parts of the body, particularly the genitals, for sexual gratification.

Switching partners temporarily for play or sexual purposes.

A specific type of animalism in which a person takes on the role of a pig. It is considered a particularly extreme version of humiliation, as such play is often used to refer to a person’s appearance as overweight or behavior as dirty. Often wearing a plastic pig nose and ears are a part of the play, as well as writing with a marker on the Submissive that he/she is a pig.

One who takes on dual roles of Dominant and Submissive, switching between the two at different times and/or with different partners. Someone who identifies him/herself as being neither naturally dominant nor naturally submissive, and who is able to switch between the two roles naturally. Some people are able to submit to one person while dominating another.

The term switch also refers to a freshly cut flexible branch, usually from a willow or birch tree, used for striking. Historically, using a freshly cut tree branch to strike the buttocks of a person was the most common corporal punishment practiced by parents on their children, alongside caning. A cane can deliver the same experience and stinging strike as a switch, and is more commonly used in BDSM.

people engaged in a polyamorous relationship.   People who attend Swinger Parties and engage in sexual acts with partners who they are not in a committed relationship with. The term also refers to a specific action in a polyamorous relationship in which a couple switches partners with another polyamorous couple, sometimes also referred to as swapping.

Any sexual act between two men in which their penises rub together giving one another sexual stimulation. Also may refer to the uncommon practice of a wrestling match held between two male Submissives.

A masturbation device or sex machine designed for use by females. It was developed by dance instructor Dave Lampert in the 1970s and released in the 1980s. It consists of a saddle-like seat containing an electric motor and a mechanism connected to a rod that protrudes from a hole in the top center.

 

T

An acronym for “Those Things That We Do,” meant as a code for the BDSM acronym. As the term BDSM becomes more common among vanilla people, having a code word allows people to talk about BDSM in mixed company. Modeled after the acronym WIITWD.

A butt plug attached to a tail, most often a pony tail, fox tail or cat tail, meant to be inserted into a person to give the appearance that they have a tail. Used often in Animalism Play.

The practice of inserting tampons into the anus of a male Submissive as a part of humiliation play, meant to either make him empathize with the female menstrual cycle, or used as a way of emasculating him for feminization. Tampons can soak up all moisture, especially if left in for any length of time, and when they are removed they can tear the lining of the rectum. This practice is not recommended. Some have tied the string of a tampon to other soft, solid objects that are the size of a tampon to avoid injury to the Submissive.

A self defense weapon meant to immobilize a person by temporarily disrupting muscle functions and inflicting pain. It shoots two small dart-like electrodes in which it administers a high voltage of electricity. Like any electricity play, playing with Tasers can prove to be dangerous, particularly so with a Tasers because of the high voltage that the gun admits. It is possible to stop a person’s heart or disrupt body functions and cause permanent injury or death. It is advisable to never use a Stun Gun, a Cattle Prod, Taser, or any other device that admits high voltage electricity for the purposes of BDSM play. Tasers are illegal in many states without a license to use them. Despite the obvious dangers involved with this device, some choose to ignore the dangers and engage in BDSM type play using it. Hence why it is in the glossary. All dangerous BDSM activities or edge play have different levels of risk involved. Playing with a Taser should be considered extremely high risk and discouraged.

A medical instrument consisting of a triangular rubber hammer attached to a metal handle, used for the testing of a person’s reflexes. Used in percussion play.

An instrument used for striking or whipping a person, made of thick, heavy leather, which splits into two or three parallel strips, called thongs, at the striking end. When the thongs strike the flesh, they never hit precisely at the same time. That fraction of a second delay causes the pain to be twice as intense as a single thong, and twice as loud. The first use of the tawse was recorded in the nineteenth century in Scotland, as a form of corporal punishment in schools. It was first used to inflict pain on the palms of a student’s hands. Historically, a type of tawse was also given to girls about to be married as a wedding gift, with an inscription engraved in the leather: “Fur the Weans,” meaning “for your children.” Ironically, the gift was also sometimes used on the wife by the husband.

A sex machine that can be operated remotely over the Internet, used in cybersex sessions. The term has also been used to describe vibrators that operate via Blutooth, or can be turned on and off via a smart phone.

A medical instrument; a device that sends electrical signals through pads that are affixed to the skin for the purpose of stimulating muscles and to relieve pain by way of blocking the transmission of pain impulses through the nerves. Used in electrical play.

A narrow strip of leather or other material, used as a lash of a whip or strap. A very thin Tawse without the snake tongue, (split leather), at the striking end. Also refers to the lash part of a single tail whip, the part before the fall or cracker. Thong also refers to underwear or bikini bottom, with a very thin support strap so that most of the buttocks is uncovered.

A sexual practice or act in which a female is double-penetrated while performing oral sex on another male. Three males and a female. It also refers to the sexual act in which a female is double-penetrated by two men in her vagina while a third penetrates her anus.

A sexual practice or act in which, whilst two people are engaged in oral sex (69 position), a third person penetrates one of them.

Referring to the sensation from a strike that is of a heavy, dull pain; the comparison of pain to that of a heavy impact feeling. The feelings caused by being struck by a whip or flogger are usually described as either a thud or a sting.

A device used to restrain a person by the thumbs. Similar to handcuffs, only much smaller.

Any BDSM activity that involves tickling the body to induce laughter, and/or tickling for a long time to cause anxiety.

A person who participates in lacing.

The BDSM practice of causing pain to the tits and/or nipples of a male or female Submissive.

A type of whip consisting of a non-rigid handle with several narrow lashes, similar to a flogger.

A title for a person who administers floggings, whippings, or spankings. Also a person who dominates another in a sexual role-play. The opposite of the Bottom (which is the person receiving floggings or spankings). The term Top is used for anyone who administers any sort of BDSM play. It is a term for the physical aspect only. Not to be confused with Dominant (title), one who has assumed psychological control over a Submissive.

Very much like bottom drop, it is the abrupt, temporary feeling of depression or unhappiness that some Dominants experience immediately after a BDSM scene. There are many reasons for top drop, such as guilt for making a mistake, or disappointment with not bringing the Submissive to a level of subspace he anticipated and hoped for, or sometimes it is simply the sudden end to the anticipation or buildup to a scene.

A term for an action in which the Bottom of a scene directs, dictates, or controls the events taking place. For example, the Marquis de Sade often ordered his servants to flog him with a Birch Rod or duster made of hay whilst he masturbated. He would give direction to his servants while engaged in the act, hence he was Topping from the Bottom. For those in power exchange relationships who also engage in switching roles during play, where the Dominant in the relationship takes on the role of Bottom during a play session, this act can be considered Topping from the Bottom. However, the term Topping from the Bottom is usually simply referencing a Submissive who takes on the role of Bottom during a scene and then proceeds to direct and control the scene. Topping from the Bottom is a term that directs focus on the actions of the Submissive during a scene. Similar to Bottoming from the Top which is a term focused on the actions (or inactions) of the Dominant during a scene.

A derogatory term for the state of mind of a Dominant in which he/she feels superior to Submissives and treats them as inferior beings.

An extreme form of power exchange. A situation where two or more people consensually agree to a relationship in which one has complete control over another, and defined roles are set with one person always being dominant while the other or others are always submissive. If this TPE relationship is continuous and ongoing, it is considered to be a 24/7 TPE.

Refers to the fetish of appearing unusually tall and towering over others with the use of very high-heeled shoes. Towering is often a term used by male transvestites who appear as unusually tall females. Also sometimes refers to the fetish for very tall women. It is sometimes loosely connected to foot fetishism.

Total Power Exchange or Twenty Four Seven

Refers to a Submissve that has undergone some level of training by an experienced Dominant. A Submissive who has learned certain protocols and rituals set by the Dominant. An experienced Submissive. A person who is willing to be safely regulated and is mentally and physically prepared for subordination.

Similar to an engagement ring; a collar given to a Submissive by a Dominant at the beginning of a TPE relationship while they are still exploring the possibility of a committed relationship. A collar given during training, which will later be replaced by a more permanent collar.

A practice in which a Submissive lies on the floor, and is then walked on by a Dominant. Usually the practice of a female Dominant stepping on the genitals of a Submissive male.

Is an umbrella term describing people whose gender identity is the opposite of their assigned sex. Most often, Transmen are men who were born with female anatomy, while Transwomen are women who were born with male anatomy. This sometimes but does not always include medical procedures in order to acquire the physical characteristics of the opposite sex. For some, simply the characteristics of either masculine or feminine can determine if they identify with Transgender. Transgender describes Transmen, Transwomen, genderqueer/non-binary, bigender, pangender, genderfluid, or agender.

A derogatory term for a transvestite or transexual. You will find the term most often used in porn along with the term Trap or Sissy. Though considered a derogatory term, Tranny is becoming accepted by many in the Trans Community as a way of diminishing the negativity associated with the term, much the way the term Sissy is being embraced by the BDSM community.

A person who feels, emotionally and psychologically, that they belong to the opposite sex. This can also mean a person who has undergone medical procedures in order to partially or completely acquire the physical characteristics of the opposite sex.

A person, typically a man, who derives pleasure form dressing in clothes appropriate to the opposite sex.

An attractive feminine male or a transgender female with male genitalia, in which he/she is considered difficult to tell that she/he has male genitalia while clothed because she/he appears completely female. It is considered as a derogatory term for a transvestite who is convincing in their appearance as being of the opposite sex, thus trapping a person into becoming attracted to them. You will find the term most often used in porn along with the term Tranny and Sissy. Though considered a derogatory term, Trap is becoming accepted by many in the Trans Community as a way of diminishing the negativity associated with the term, much the way the term Sissy is being embraced by the BDSM community.

A polyamorous relationship of three people.

A social circle. A group of individuals interested in BDSM and/or engaging in BDSM activities together. See related FAMILY. Sometimes refers to a BDSM group that is exclussive to female members only. Also a name for a polyamorous group or family, in which members have sexual relations with each other and/or also engage in BDSM activities.

Non-penetrative sex between two females in which they rub their vulvas against each other for sexual stimulation of the clitoris. This includes several sexual positions to include the missionary position and scissoring.

Behaviors, words, or activities that provoke a strong emotional response. Sometimes it is certain behaviors that provoke a memory or an experience that causes distress to the individual. It is common belief that a Dominant should learn his/her Submissive to the best of his/her ability, being on the look out for which buttons evoke positive or negative responses.

Another name for or variation of the double weave.

A type of nipple clamp consisting of long thin flexible metal tweezer-type pieces, with a ring that slides forward to adjust the tightness around the nipple. Usually there are two clamps attached together with a thin chain.

A more extreme form of consensual non-consent role-playing, referring to the time frame of a TPE relationship. Referring to a D/s relationship that takes on a structured set of rules, engaging in a total power exchange (TPE) 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with no predetermined time for the relationship to end. Each party in the relationship takes on a permanent role of either Dominant or Submissive. The Submissive surrenders complete control to the other party in the relationship, as a slave to be cared for and punished as the Dominant sees fit. Most 24/7 relationships involve a contract, a structured set of rules that the collared Submissive must adhere to. Also known as slave-play. For some, these relationships are played out as though the Submissive has no rights to bring about an end to the relationship. However, it is thought that a much healthier approach to this sort of relationship is for the Submissive to be completely owned for as long as she/he wishes to be owned, maintaining the right to end said contract and relationship at anytime. When both parties have the ability to end the relationship, it can help prevent an abuse of power. 24/7 TPE relationships are also sometimes referred to as lifestyle D/s.

A bondage technique that binds two parts of the body to a single object or two separate objects.

U

A philosophy first stated by Harry Ugol, which holds the belief that for any given kink, there is always someone, somewhere who shares the same kink.

The erroneous name for a violet wand. There is a misconception that violet wands produce ultraviolet light, and therefore people often call violet wands ultraviolet wands. Violet wands do not produce any measurable amount of ultraviolet light.

A bisexual person, usually but not always female, who is willing to join in a sexual relationship with a preexisting couple, usually a male and female couple. The third person entering into a Triad or threesome steady relationship or marriage. It is thought that such a person is very difficult to find, if not impossible because such a person does not exist, hence the name and metaphor of the mythical creature. The term Unicorn is also sometimes used in a derogatory manner towards a person wishing to become a Unicorn or towards the bisexual couple seeking such a person. This might be due to the fact that some people believe that an exclusive Triad relationship is not a true Polyamorous relationship, because the parties in the Triad are not free to have sexual encounters with others outside the Triad. Often a existing couple will seek a third person to love them both equally. It is often the view of many in the Polyamory community that one can not simply will themselves to be in love with two people equally or that a triad can not equally be bonded, therefore the notion of a Unicorn is often considered to be an immature mentality. This is how it is used as a derogatory term in the Polyamory community. Though rare, such triads do exist and have been proven successful.

Any form of role-play that involves a uniform. The BDSM role-play power exchange between a person taking on the role of a person with authority or a high level of control over another person, such as a police officer or military official. There has been a history of people wearing World War II era Nazi uniforms in the BDSM community at fetish events relating to Uniform Play and/or Race Play. In recent times, this practice has been increasingly discouraged due to the negative social acceptance of anything related to hate groups.

A medical device that is inserted into the opening of the penis used to increase the inner diameter of the urethra and/or locate medical issues such as obstruction. This device is sometimes used in BDSM play, by inserting it into the meatus of the penis.

A specific type of gag with attachments protruding from the gag that have a utility purpose. The attachments may be: a duster, dildo, vibrator, serving tray, ashtray, writing pen, toilet paper holder, etc.

V

A device used in BDSM play, consisting of two sheets of material, usually latex, to which a vacuum is affixed. When a person is lying between the two sheets, the air can be removed to create a tight suction type fit, disabling the person from moving. There are many different types and many different ways that a person is allowed to breath while constrained in the device, such as the use of a gas mask or a plastic tube. There is a danger of asphyxiation and great care should be used while using these devices.

An uncommon acronym for clitoris and vagina torture. The opposite of Cock & Ball Torture. Women needing/having the same urges that some men do in regards to having their genitals tortured is also considered rare.

Any act that involves Blood Play. Also refers to the fetish attraction to the vampire lifestyle, a gothic subculture that role-plays as vampires, similar to the depictions in Bram Stoker’s Dracula, primarily focusing on the erotic nature of the stories.

Gloves used for sensation play or abrasion play, which have short spikes or needles protruding from the palms and fingers. Vampire gloves are usually made from the same kind of metal spikes you find on the backs of studs fitted for jackets, only instead of closing the sharp spikes, they are left exposed on the gloves.

The general term for anything not kink related. A term for anyone outside of the BDSM world or community who does not have an interest or involvement in BDSM. The opposite of the BDSM world.

A device designed to stimulate the genitals by way of vibrations. There are many different types and styles, with varying intensities of vibrating motions. It is most commonly used for stimulation of the clitoris of a female to bring her to orgasm.

A device used for electrical play (a form of sensation play), which releases a low current, high-voltage, high frequency stimulation to the body. It is usually made of glass, which glows bright colors, usually blue, purple, or “violet.” When the device is touched to a person’s skin, it releases a buildup of static electricity, giving the person a rolling, shock-type sensation.

An instrument used for striking, with two narrow rubber lashes that taper to a point.

The female equivalent of a Stag. A female who shares her male partner with other females without any sort of humiliation or degradation attached to the act. Unlike a Cuckquean, a Vixen does not attach any feelings of shame to her male partner engaging in sex with other females. The term vixen also refers to a spiteful or quarrelsome female.

A person who gains sexual pleasure from watching others when they are naked or engaged in sexual activity. Sometimes refers to a person who enjoys watching others in pain or distress.

The act of engaging in being a voyeur.

W

Erroneous name, slang name or nickname for a Wartenberg Wheel.

An implement used for testing nerve function by neurologists, consisting of an affixed wheel with several sharp needles projecting around its edge. Used in sensation play.

A derogatory term for a person who assumes the role of Dominant and tries to portray him/herself as having experience and skill in matters of BDSM that he/she does not actually yet possess, and who often, as a result, engages in unsafe practices.

The term for the period at the beginning of a BDSM scene in which the Dominant uses techniques of gentle, light floggings or sensation play, for the purpose of gradually introducing the Submissive to the experience.

Any play that involves urination, usually involving one person urinating on another for sexual gratification. Sometimes referred to as a Golden Shower.

A sensual BDSM activity; a form of sensation play and/or pain play in which a Dominant drips warm or hot wax, usually dripping from candles, onto a Submissive’s naked skin. Pure paraffin wax melts at around 130 to 135 degrees Fahrenheit. Adding stearin makes the wax harder and melt at higher temperatures. Adding mineral oil makes the wax softer and melt at lower temperatures. Soft candles in glass jars usually have mineral oil in their blend and burn at cooler temperatures, to prevent the glass from cracking when exposed to the heat, which can make these sorts of candles ideal for wax play. It is important that the candles are not scented, as some fragrance additives to candles can scald the skin. A Dominant should always check the wax on him/herself first, before proceeding to pour hot wax onto another.

can refer to engaging in wax play, but may also refer to the method of hair removal that removes hair from the root, usually strip waxing. Strip waxing is accomplished by spreading a wax combination thinly over the area where hair is to be removed. A strip of cloth is then pressed into the wax. With a quick ripping motion the wax and hair is then pulled from the body. This is also sometimes used as BDSM pain play.

A red, swollen mark on the flesh, left by a blow or pressure. In BDSM a wheal/weal is usually referred to as the distinctive red swollen mark left by a canning.

Any strip of flexible leather or length of cord used for flogging or beating a person. Usually refers to the single tail whip, which is braided strips known as plaits, that tapers into a single thick lash. There are many different kinds of whips used in BDSM, such as stock whips, bullwhips, signal whips, snake whips, buggy whips, lunge whips, punishment whips, Legree whips, etc. Common materials used in the making of a single tail whip are cow leather, kangaroo leather, nylon (paracord), or polyethylene. Single-tail whips can inflict serious injuries and can be dangerous in the hands of an inexperienced user. It requires skill and experience to use them properly. Single-tail whips are not always predictable and mistakes can happen even with the most experienced handlers, which is why use of single-tails is sometimes considered edgeplay. Whip also refers to the action, to strike with a whip.

An upright wooden post secured to a base or in the ground, to which a person is bound for easy flagellation.

A fiberglass or resin rod, used as a cane.

A term used by some polyamorous groups to describe a sudden, overwhelming, (usually fleeting), feeling of insecurity and/or jealousy while seeing a partner being affectionate with another lover, without any feelings of betrayal.

An acronym for “What It Is That We Do,” meaning the entire scope of all kinky activities. The term originated in Usernet newsgroups in response to a complaint that some fetishes and kinks, such as infantilism or cross-dressing, do not involve bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, or masochism, and therefore do not fall under the BDSM umbrella. It should be noted, though, that the terms BDSM and fetish are also increasingly being used as general terms for all kink activities.

A torture device consisting of a sharply angled surface mounted on a sawhorse-like support. A female is made to straddle the triangle, placing her full weight on her vulva or clitoris. Sometimes weights or additional restraints are added to keep the female from falling off. It is extremely painful and dangerous, sometimes causing permanent nerve damage.

A less immediately painful variation of the wooden horse, consisting of a single plank of wood, supported horizontally from the floor on its side, with the thin edge up. A female is made to straddle the plank, which is adjusted up or down, in order to make the female stand on her tiptoes. As her legs tire, she is left with the option to rest her body weight on her genitals on the plank of wood. Use of both the wooden pony and the wooden horse are dangerous practices.

When the tips of a whip or cane are allowed to strike beyond a target, usually around a person’s lower body. For example, when the tips of a whip’s lash wrap around the buttocks and strike the person’s side. The extra wrapping of the lash increases the speed of the strike, making it quite painful. Wrapping is sometimes unavoidable, sometimes purposely done for a desired effect, and sometimes is simply a result of an inexperienced Dominant. Extreme bruising on the hips is often a sign of a careless or incompetent Dominant who allowed too much wrapping to take place. Most players try to avoid wrapping as much as possible.

Any restraint designed to fit the wrists.

X

Another name for a St. Andrew’s Cross. A popular type of bondage furniture consisting of an X-shaped cross that is affixed to a frame or to a wall, in which a person can be bound for the purposes of flagellation. It is also known as an X-frame in the U.S., and in Europe it sometimes called a diagonal cross.

Y

A rare type of bondage furniture consisting of a Y-shaped cross that is affixed to a frame or to a wall, in which a person can be bound for the purposes of flagellation. It is much like the St. Andrew’s Cross only with one bar at the bottom so that the feet may be bound together. It is also used upside down, to which the legs are bound spread apart while the hands are bound to the single upright piece, similar to a whipping post position.

A restraint device consisting of a bar or plank, locking cuffs for the wrists, and a cuff for the neck. When worn, it resembles the yoke used on animals. The original term for a yoke is a wooden beam, normally used between a pair of oxen or other animals, and enabling them to pull a wagon together. Sometimes a portable wooden stock that is not mounted to a base is referred to as a yoke.

Z

A zip tie used as a restraint. Zip ties can be used with other zip ties to increase desired length. Large zip ties, known as plasticuffs, are used by police in place of handcuffs for riot control. There is no way of unlocking a zip tie, and it is recommended that a Dominant always have a pair of EMT scissors near by while using this sort of restraint.

A practice in which many clothespins are tied together about 2 inches apart with a length of cord or string and then affixed to the body. The cord is then pulled slowly, pulling the clothespins off one by one, or yanked quickly, ripping them off like a zipper.

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